comfort zone or death sentence?

So i had been rapid cycling for the last month which is the longest i have ever rapid cycle'd before. only a week or two was my longest before. Anyways it scared me being there. I wasn't on any pills but now am (since thursday the 10th). i have been at a crisis intervention house (respite house) the last week and am going home tomorrow. i have come out of of rapid cycle and was feel quite good because my mood is stabilizing. but i took the quiz here for overall mood and it said i was dealing with some depressed feelings and a bit of anxiety. [do those two usually come hand in hand with anyone else??]
so from there, since i was kind of surpirsed about the depressed note, i took the depression quiz as well. it was a 55. even the questions though, got to me and made me realise 'hey. i am depressed'.

it confused me i think becuase i was back in a comfort zone. im used to being somewhat depressed and it just felt normal to me. and that, in its self makes me mad. anoyed. irritated. to think how much i felt i had come in life, making good decisions for myself for the last 6 months and realised it wasn't as big of a success i thought it was...
well you gotta start somewhere. theres no cure i keep telling myself, there is only hope that things will always gradually increase. like intrest in money. invest time and effort and you will be paid for your commitment right?
i have that thought in my head, doesnt mean im feeling it though.

i wrote this in my diary and it seems to give me a little justice of where im at right now.


and that made me feel a bit better. being able to share with others also makes me feel better. the acceptance part is just a little harder for me then paitence. but i got tolerance down right now. for this time.

with my BPD (and it being a very new confirmed diagnosis) i always want to try and be in control of things, even if it isn't possble. do the best and be the best i can right now. (those feelings are deeply intertwined with my psychosis i went through, and the thinking patterns i adopted from that)

the tests could always be wrong..

It sounds to ME like you're makiing some REAL progress!! You should feel very proud of yourself!! And I agree that the tests could be very wrong. Those tests aren't perfect by ANY stretch of the imagination. I took alot of them, and it said I had Bi-Polar -- that was a laugh. I do NOT have Bi-Polar disease, and never have had. I've been to Psychiatrists & psychologists, and have never been diagnosed with that. My only diagnosis is Depression. So those tests CAN be very wrong. Don't take them as fact, please.

I think you've done great, from what you've written! Keep us updated with your progress, ok? I'm really interested and I care! God bless. Hugs, Lee