[littlesis_ter289]

I FEEL SO LOST, I HAVE A GOOD FAMILY. OF COURSE WE HAVE OUR PROBLEMS... BUT HERE LATELY I FEEL LIKE I HAVE FALLING INTO THE HUGE BLACK HOLE, SO DEEP I CANT PULL OUT OF IT. I DONT KNOW IF THE PROBLEM IS BECAUSE I TAKE CARE OF MY SICK DAD, WHO HAS MANY HEALTH PROBLEMS AND I HAVE ALREADY LOST MY MOM. SHE WAS THE ROCK THAT HELD US ALL TOGETHER, BUT I THINK HE DROVE HER CRAZY!! TO A POINT SHE COULDNT EVEN FIGHT HER OWN ILLNESS. SHE HAD CANCER AND HE ISNT A VERY NICE MAN. I LOVE MY DAD BUT, I DONT RESPECT HIM. THAT MAY SOUND HARSH BUT IT IS TRUE. AND NOW I AM HIS CARE GIVER AND I WOULD NEVER DO ANYTHING TO HARM HIM... MATTER OF FACT I HAVE LOST EVERYTHING TO KEEP HIM ALIVE. BUT ASIDE FROM ALL OF THAT ...MY REASON FOR NOT WANTING TO LIVE ANYMORE IS THAT I AM ALWAYS TIRED, I SLEEP BUT I NEVER FEEL RESTED, MY BODY HURTS, AND I AM ONLY 36 YRS OLD I SHOULD BE IN MY PRIME. I HAVE TWO GREAT DAUGHTERS AND A LOVING HUSBAND THAT I KNOW LOVES ME IT IS JUST HE HAS A HARD TIME SHOWING HIS FEELINGS AND I GUESS THAT HURTS ME SOMETIMES. AND THE GIRLS ARE GROWING UP AND I FEEL LIKE I HAVE NO ONE ANYMORE. SO I THINK WELL GET UR BUTT UP AND FILL IN THAT TIME WITH SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE.... I JUST DONT HAVE THE ENERGY OR THE ABILITY TO THINK STRAIGHT HALF THE TIME. I NEED HELP I CANT KEEP PUTTING MY FAMILY THREW THIS. AND I CANT KEEP DOING IT EITHER. WHERE WE LIVE THERE IS NOT A GOOD DR. TO HELP WITH THESE PROBLEMS. AND I CAN AFFORD TO DRIVE A LONG WAY OFF ....SO I DONT SEE MUCH ELSE LEFT TO DO........DO YOU?

[Leed]

Can you get Visitiing Nurse service? Do you live in the United States? How about getting some respite care? Would his insurance pay for it? Does he HAVE insurance? There MUST be some kind of help available. Let us know where you live (whether it's the U.S. or not) and if he has insurance and maybe we can come up with something.

You DO need a break from this. How disabled is he? Can he get up and around? What kinds of problems does he have? I'm sorry for all the questions, but we need to know so we can be of more help.

Taking care of someone is a 24hr a day job, and no one can do it forever! You MUST have help! My husband had terminal cancer, and I was his sole caregiver for many months until i just couldn't do it anymore, and I called Hospice to come in and help me. Trouble is, they only came in 3 times a week - and a a nurse came. She took his vitals, etc., and recorded stuff that I'd done. Then a nurses aide came a couple of times a week to help me change his bedding, give him a FULL bath, as I just sponge bathed him other days. I was supposed to get respite care, but the woman they assigned to me didn't want to get out in the "bad weather." This was in January!!! So I NEVER got any respite care!! So for 7 months, I was never allowed to leave the house!! My daughter picked up the mail -- went to the store, etc. My husband couldn't be left alone.

So I totally understand your despair. PLEASE talk to your doctor. Perhaps for a short time anyway, he could put you on an antidepressant, just to get you over the hump until you can maybe see a therapist? You definitely need some help!!! An antidepressant WOULD HELP!! It would stabilize your mood, and make you feel "normal" again (whatever that is ). It pretty much saved MY life when my husband was dying. I'm still on it, and have been for many years. I'll probably be on it for the rest of my life.

Please call your doctor. You won't regret it, my friend. You'll be in my prayers, as well as your dad. God bless and please take care! You DO have a reason for being on this earth -- you just have to find out what it is. Take care. Hugs, Lee