[Mysterygirl202]

Hi so I'm... Everything I'm abou to say is the worst of me and I'm ashamed..

Today I woke up with a memory... I had forgotten about it for so long. I'm 17 and when I was 6 years old my 9 year old sister touched me in Inappropriately once that I can remember... I didn't know it was wrong and neither did she. To this day I love her very much and never really thought about this. However I realized that one thing left me uncomfortable ... That's the only word I can se to describe it.

I also rememered todaythat when i was 10 i use to get angry and dig my nails into my arm. After that i got curious about sex and watched porn in middle school. I felt so guilty about watching such disgusting videos that I started scratching myself regularly on the arm. Then at 15 I started to develope an eating disorder which I fortunately got out of within a year and didn't lose too much weight. The scratching continued and became cutting. The last time I cut was about four days ago and I've been trying to quit with the help of a shool counselor and friends. My family doesn't know any of this.....

My question is.... Was I molested? Does any of this go together? I find myself very sad at all this because believe it or not... I'm the happy girl at school. I sing and perform and smile and I really do love life.... Does what happened with my sister (who didn't know any better and who I love) have to do with all the self destruction?

[Mom of Jr Sooner]

As a mother of a teenager who suffers with Serious depression, anxiety and some OCD, I beg you to tell your parents or an adult you trust. You are young and need support to determine the help you desperately need. Don't be ashamed about your sister. Like you said, she was young and so were you. You may feel guilt but don't let it control your life. Let it go and work towards getting better and please talk to your parent(s).

[Mysterygirl202]

Thank you. My counselor has been helping me a lot and encouraging me to speak with my family.... But it's weir ya know? I love them to Seth! I don't wanna hurt them.

[Mysterygirl202]

Death* stupid auto correct

[Perna]

No, you were not molested; that happens between an adult and a child; children explore sexuality and their bodies, etc. as they are growing, I remember playing "Doctor" with the boy across the street when we were 3 and 4 and I saw him naked (he was into peeing on everything; I still remember when his mother came in and caught him peeing on his parents bedpost). We don't just emerge full-grown at age 21 and are suddenly "adults", we have to learn and grow and experience lots of things, some good, some bad/yucky/harmful.

To me, it sounds like you were an anxious middle school teen and were watching porn to distract or help you cope with your anxiety. It's very normal for teens and young adults to masturbate too, to help diffuse the anxious feelings, sex is a powerful energy/relaxer, has qualities similar to cutting. I would work on your self esteem and anxiety issues, try to see that symptoms (watching porn, cutting) are not the actual problem. You would not get upset at yourself for having a headache would you? No, because you know there's a cause of it, it is just there to let you know you have a problem. You are doing the best you can to cope with your problems, your anxiety. The coping methods are not idea and maybe talking to your parents/family will help you as what you are anxious about might all be "out there" with no need to be anxious about it anymore so some of your symptoms won't be needed either.

I don't know if you should tell your family or not or what you should tell them if you do; I would continue to work with your school counselor, figure out what you are comfortable with, what you think might help you as you work with your problems.

[Leed]

As a mother and grandmother, I don't think you should tell your mother. You were BOTH very very young, and your sister did NOT abuse you. She was curious, and didn't have a clue about what she was doing. At 9 yrs old, I doubt seriously if she knew what sex was all about and she certainly didn't have "urges at that age -- at least I would hope not.

What would you accomplish by telling them? It would hurt your sister, and she would feel betrayed. Your mother would feel guilty about not protecting you, and the whole family would be up in arms over something that was just simply exploration.

You were not abused, honey. Put that out of your mind. Just try to forget it. It was just childish exploration -- that's it. If you two had been older, that would have been different. But you weren't.

Let it go, honey. You're ok. thank God.

Keep talking to your counselor tho so you can come to terms with it, ok? God bless you and take care. Hugs, Lee

[Mysterygirl202]

Thanks. I know I was not abused. I don't really cOnsider it that. Just curious of other peoples thoughts. Thanks