[hoping4best]

so!! my fiance has called my mom and has told her that i dont treat him with respect and love. and so my mom called me and scolded me that all i do is to brring shame to the family and that it will be such a disgrace if this engagement breaks off. she put entire blame on me!! im so frustrated right now! i talked to my fiance afterwards and he said to me that he doesnt think that im sort of girl who will be able to take care of marriage life n kids. WTF!!!!!!!! i mean SERIOUSLY!! he said if i want this relationship to thrive then i seriously need to change my ways and i have to learn to take care of him. the worst part is that i cant even break it off myself!! and if he breaks it off it will equally bring shame for my family n myself. i dont care about myself but my family wont forgive me after such emabarrasment!! i dont know what to do!

[John25]

You should start thinking about yourself and break off the engagement.
If your family is more concerned about the possible embarrassment for the family (what is the embarrassment really anyway...this is one of the things that can happen in engagements) than your own well-being, it is time to move on and think about yourself.

[Mom of Jr Sooner]

You must take care of yourself. It sounds like your BF is looking for an emotional whipping post and another momma. In marriage you must take care of each other with live and respect. If he can't talk to you now and calls your mom, sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do before he's ready to consider marriage. As for your families embarrassment, what the hell??!! If they love you unconditionally, they will want you to have a great marriage. Screw their embarrassment. That's the craziest thing I've ever heard. I think you can do better in picking a life partner. Never settle!! You'll regret it later!!

[hoping4best]

Originally Posted by John25

You should start thinking about yourself and break off the engagement.
If your family is more concerned about the possible embarrassment for the family (what is the embarrassment really anyway...this is one of the things that can happen in engagements) than your own well-being, it is time to move on and think about yourself.

i wish it could be that easy to do! but its not! i have consulted a psychiatrist for appointment. may be that will help me :/ fingers crosses!

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by John25

(what is the embarrassment really anyway...this is one of the things that can happen in engagements)

"embarrassment" can result in a so-called "honor killing", in shunning, in a woman being attacked and disfigured. Even in the West, not every woman enjoys Western freedoms, to love and associate with whom she chooses, to study where and what she wants, to travel and live independently, even to get medical care. Many of us take these things for granted; for others, it is truly a matter of life and death.

That a fiancé would report to the girl's family that she is behaving improperly - does she sound free, or does he sound entitled? I'm sorry, I don't mean to yell at you, john, because you are absolutely right - what is embarrassment? but the price women pay for it is often very steep. we lose everything. at an age when we are too young to understand what is being lost, or how to escape, and when we are too easily fooled by those who claim to love us.

[IowaFarmGal]

Hoping4best I hope a way out will open for you. Are you living in a different country than where you were born or have you grown up in a new country and your family has beliefs from the old country? I wish for you to be safe but I wish you had freedom of choice and a chance to be who you are. I think I would run fast and far if I was able. Good Luck in your future!

[hoping4best]

Originally Posted by hankster

"embarrassment" can result in a so-called "honor killing", in shunning, in a woman being attacked and disfigured. Even in the West, not every woman enjoys Western freedoms, to love and associate with whom she chooses, to study where and what she wants, to travel and live independently, even to get medical care. Many of us take these things for granted; for others, it is truly a matter of life and death.

That a fiancé would report to the girl's family that she is behaving improperly - does she sound free, or does he sound entitled? I'm sorry, I don't mean to yell at you, john, because you are absolutely right - what is embarrassment? but the price women pay for it is often very steep. we lose everything. at an age when we are too young to understand what is being lost, or how to escape, and when we are too easily fooled by those who claim to love us.

exactly! i am an educated woman but i still have to depend on my family to marry me off -partly because no guy would fall in love with me enough to send a proposal to my home. now that im engaged to this guy my family chose for me..i must marry him otherwise people will talk and make fun of us! in other words,i'll be bringing shame to my family.

[hoping4best]

Originally Posted by IowaFarmGal

Hoping4best I hope a way out will open for you. Are you living in a different country than where you were born or have you grown up in a new country and your family has beliefs from the old country? I wish for you to be safe but I wish you had freedom of choice and a chance to be who you are. I think I would run fast and far if I was able. Good Luck in your future!

thankyou or the support! no,i havnt moved to a new country but i dont belong to your country either. customs and culture over here is pretty complicated.

[Mom of Jr Sooner]

Dear Hoping4thebest, after my post I considered the embarrassment issue and thought you may not be living with the same independence and beliefs I have. I pray for you!! I pray God gives you peace and wisdom in your decisions. I guess I sometimes forget how blessed I am to make my own decisions without thought of shame. I pray God's protection over your life.

[hoping4best]

my fiance keeps telling me about his sexual requirements and how he would like my body to be shaped like! its plain disgustung for me. he NEVER talks about what are my worries and what i want...he just wants that i should be perfect or i'll be in trouble. what the heck!

[IowaFarmGal]

This sounds worse and worse. I hope there is a way to escape.

[EmeraldSiren]

I hope you can find a way to get through this, as you are a strong and independant woman.