Why Am I So Scared?

Hey...I'm so confused right now. My feelings are a mess, I feel lonely, sad, scares and confused.
I'm really afraid of myself, I don't really know if I'm a good or a bad person. I want to be good but I feel like there's a shadow covering me...it is so frustrating because I feel like I don't know who I am, what I am and what I'll become, you know?
I have been always trying to be who they want me to be but I'm changing and people are hating me.
There's a voice in my head telling me that I think I have friends but I don't, telling me that I think somebody cares about me but no one does.
I wish I couldn't feel this lonely, this sad, this confused...
I've been through so much lately but I always tried to pretend that I'm fine but now I'm just helpless...

awww i'm sorry you are feeling the way you do.

do you want to explain to us some of the stuff that's been happening?. we'd get a bit of a better picture

Hey !
Don't ever feel sad or lonely or even confused. Just try to find a place where you fit in. Even if people hated you just don't care cuz at that time that person is who you are.. Who needs you have to take you as you are. Never change for anybody..
If you need any help you can PM me...

Okay...I used to cut and burn myself when I felt too stressed, too lonely, too sad, too afraid. It was the worst time of my life.
I have some memories and nightmares that make me freak out...
I was being bullied at school and now I'm hated. Most people in my class hate me. I hate going to school!
People that I liked died last year and this year and it makes me feel confused and sad.
My family is a mess, a huge mess.
I made mistakes.
My mind is killing me inside, really. I have some friends and people that I can count on but I still feel like I can't trust anyone, that I'm friendless.
I'm so lonely, I keep myself locked in my room for hours, I have a low self esteem and I'm freaking out...

First and foremost, you HAVE FRIENDS at school that you CAN count on. That's important. If you can count on them you CAN TRUST THEM!! So you are NOT friendless. Your mind is telling you lies. Don't believe what your mind is telling you!!!

Your family is a mess -- That is NOT your fault, and it does NOT reflect on you. It has nothing to do with YOU. You cannot change that. But it doesn't make YOU look bad -- it makes THEM look bad. Like I said, it has nothing to do with you.

I'm SO sorry that friends/family died last year and this year. I know that affects you and hurts you. Can you talk to the counselor at school about this? He/she would be GLAD to talk to you about this and about ANYTHING ELSE that is bothering you. Don't hesitate to go in and talk to the counselor. That's what they're there for.

Are you being bullied at school NOW? If you are, you MUST report it! There are new regulations in effect about bullying in schools, and people can get into trouble for that. Don't let them get away with it! Report it if you're being bullied! Okay???

Ask your parents if you can see a therapist/counselor outside of school. It would be good if you could. I don't know if they can afford it or not, but if they can, ask if you can see one. You're having nightmares and have other things that are bothering you and you should see a counselor. See what they say, ok? If you can't at least talk to the school counselor. And tell your parents that Social Services might be able to help with counseling too. Ask them to look into it, ok? God bless and let us know what happens, will you? Take care. Hugs, Lee

Barbara, I hope things get better for you. I'm willing to talk at any time, just PM me. From one hated kid to another, I know a little what its like, I've got your back.