[AngelWolf3]

Okay. So I am just going to rant a bit, and if there is any advice out there, I would love to hear it. So in therapy, I am having trouble showing emotions and now I know where part of it is coming from.

Yesterday was a bad day. My car broke down, and my roommate is going to move out, which leaves me with a financial strain. She is giving plenty of notice, and it is on good terms, so that's cool. Just scary. Anyway, I have been under a lot of stress and my dad was over, and I made the mistake of crying in front of him and opening up about my recent frustrations.

About 10 minutes later, I had calmed down, and we were watching the tow truck take the car away, and he turns to me and calmly says, "by the way, Crying like that and being frustrated is the WRONG answer. Never do that again. You will learn what the appropriate response is. Life happens, deal with it." Then he just stared at me, daring me to cry. Seriously. That's how he works. (Obviously I didn't give him the satisfaction this time)

I am like WTF?!?!? If he wants me to be an emotionless Vulcan/robot I can do that, but dang. I am 31 and don't need this crap. I shouldn't even let it bother me. But it brought up sh** from my childhood, feeling repressed, ignored, belittled, etc. I am so sad today. I don't know, I can't just tell him how it made me feel, obviously. So should I just ignore it? I guess I have to.

Thanks for listening

[unaluna]

1. Does he know you're in therapy?
2. Tell him this is the new millenium, you HAVE to be a person who cries if you EVER want to get laid.

[AngelWolf3]

And no, he doesn't know that I am in therapy...!

[dailyhealing]

I can connect to this a bit... My parents aren't that blatant about it, but emotions were definitely not something we did in my famliy. Anything at all that invalidates my feelings is a huge trigger for me.

What I ended up doing is just not really sharing emotional things with my family. It keeps the relationship pretty superficial, but I find "family" type relationships with my wife and friends. I did finally tell them this year, after over 20 years, that I suffer from depression. But I did it more as a way to not feel like I am hiding my real self from people, I wasn't really expecting emotional support in any way.

Not sure this is helpful at all, but I certainly understand your feelings and how that would bring up childhood sht! I would be a mess if something like that happened. And my own opinion is that it's okay that it bothered you, it makes perfect sense. In my experience I cannot necessarily control my reactions to a trigger (though I'm working on it slowly...), but I can control to a degree what triggers I expose myself to. That's why my family relationship is distant, I have to protect myself. Take care and thanks so much for posting this!

[Leed]

Why CAN'T you tell him how it made you feel, for heavens sakes??? I don't say that to be judgmental sweetie, really, but he made me mad. LOL

My parents were very emotionless and we got NO affection as children. But after I grew up, we grew to have a better relationship ONLY because I was open with them, and told them what I thought! I had been in a mental hospital in my 20's and my "shrink" MADE me write a letter to my parents telling them how my childhood had messed me up big-time! And she made me MAIL it too! So after that, we had a more open/honest relationship.

If that had been MY dad saying that, I surely would have asked him "Why CAN'T I cry and carry on? Why does it bother YOU? I'll handle this MY way, thank you!" And then I'd stare right back at HIM!!!

You're 31 yrs old and he has NO RIGHT to try to run your life. He's already taught you your life's lessons. If you haven't learned them by now, then it's too late. LOL I'm SURE you can handle what you have going, but you were just having a BAD DAY. When things fall apart all at once, we tend to fall apart too, and that's just FINE. Crying is a GOOD cleanser and stress reliever, in case he didn't know it.

Ask your therapist about crying when stressed and see if he agrees that it's good for easing stress. I think he'll agree.

Anyway -- Dad was wrong. He owes YOU an apology as far as I'm concerned. It's none of his business. God bless and take care. Hugs, Lee