[jforest02]

I was looking for forums for people to talk to or just ask for advice and this seemed like a really good place to go. For starters I had a "rough" childhood, I was the product of two teenagers experimenting with drugs so they were not ready for a child. Of course they didnt stay together so I ended up living with my mom first. She was part of a lot of drug groups and brought a lot of ****** people home. A lot of them abused both of us and there was nothing I could do. The worst of it was when someone broke in because she wouldn't sell them any drugs, so he raped her. When I tried to go and help her he punched me and knocked me out.
This continued until I was twelve, then i went to live with my dad. I figured things would be better from there. They were better until he met my soon to be step mother. My dad being so young wasnt really much of a dad, and was more of an older brother who would help me out from time to time. So when he met her what little bit of a relationship we had vanished. Of course this led to my step mother and I not getting along and I eventually moved out to live with a friend and finish up high school. I am now a sophomore at College and things have just gotten worse.

Up until now I have always been able to reflect on these things and be positive about it. Anymore though I am just mad, all the time. Nothing seems to cheer me up. And worst of all Im starting to be really mean to my girlfriend of four years because of it. Now dont take this the wrong way I would never lay a finger on her, but I do acknowledge I am hurting her mentally and slowly destroying our relationship. I just don't know what to do she tells me "just be happy" "you are just down and mean all the time". Im trying so hard, but I just cant seem to cheer up.

I really need advice, should I get help? Or has anyone been through something similar? Please any bit of advice would help me.

P.S. I am sorry for the bad grammar or spelling errors, I am writing this in a hurry because I just do not know what to do.

[Leed]

Oh bless your heart. You need a hug. LOL You've had a horrible upbringing -- please tell me you've never used drugs!!! I hope and pray you haven't. I hope you've seen the damage that it did to your parents. (I use "parents" loosely, because they really weren't "parents")

You need to talk to someone, and soon. Go to the school counselor quickly! That's what they are there for. They are there for you to TALK to about anything! They are trained professionals. So go and either make an appointment,, or perhaps he/she can take you right then. But GO. The fact that this anger is being showered on your girlfriend isnt good, and I'm afraid that at one time -- even tho you say you would never put a hand on her -- you might. Anger of this kind can explode. And you just won't be able to control it -- you won't mean to hurt her, but you could.

So talk to the counselor soon. Every college has one. I wish you the very best my friend, and from what you say I'm proud at how well you turned out considering the horrible upbringing you had! You sound like a well-rounded guy, who cares. I don't know how that happened but I'm proud of you! God bless you and PLEASE PLEASE let us know how things turn out, will you? Or private message me? I really care. Hugs, Lee

[jforest02]

Thank you so much for responding, in all honesty its always just nice to hear (well read) that someone cares. Also yes I do plan on scheduling a meeting with the school counselor ASAP.
I know I just said it, but thanks again for saying you care, usually this isn't easy for me to talk about. I am just tired of being this way, I don't know what the counselor can really do to make me feel better. But I have to try something or I will just keep bottling it up and pretending like nothing is bothering me.
Also Leed, I will be sure to keep you up to date with how things are going, and I'm sure you have plenty of people to talk to, but if you are looking for someone I am always open.
Also anyone who reads this, I know I am coming here with my problems but if anyone wants to talk about some of theirs please please please contact me. I am always open to talk to people about these things, and I know how hard it can be to deal with =)

[dailyhealing]

Hello and welcome to PC. I'm glad to hear that you are going to meet with your school counselor. With what you went through as a child working through some of those things in therapy could be really helpful.

While my experience was different from yours, I can relate to the feelings. I am a guy who had a lot of emotional baggage due to family issues and depression as I tried to enter into adulthood... I was very unhappy for a long time, but continued to try and work through things in therapy. For me it was a lifesaver! The depression is still here as I have clinical depression, but having worked through many of my issues and getting on meds I live a relatively "normal" and happy life...

So I hope you will stick with this and try to figure out what is happening with you. There are lots of options and you can work through those bad feelings. Given what you talked about with your childhood, it doesn't surprise me at all that you are dealing with some anger. You have a lot to be angry about! And that stuff doesn't just go away, it has to be dealt with in some way (in my experience anyway).

I'm glad you are here and posting. I hope to keep hearing more from you! If you ever need to talk feel free to message me.

[objtrbit]

Man that's a hell of a lot of things to carry around all alone;

the things that happen to us as kids don't just leave us as we get older; if as a kid, your world was chaotic, unstable, violent...then these are the situations you will keep running into...because its familiar.

If you can find a competent psychologist that might ease some of the confusion about where you're going wrong in your relationships, where other people are trespassing you and how to take care of yourself...its very difficult to know how to take care of yourself if you've never experienced care..and you have sooo much to be angry about.

I sure hope in the meantime you keep posting and looking for support. Support is essential when you're low;

take care,
-obj