I can't stop saying random things and talking to myself

First post on this forum. I'll probably make a few more... I guess I could only say that I worry about myself sometimes. I don't know where else to ask this, so I'll ask here.

I'm going into my senior year in high school, and I started this nervous habit when I was fairly young. Maybe 11 or 12. Whenever the thought of suicide or self harm would pop into my mind, I'd blurt out something about killing someone else. As I got older, the problem got worse. The more I think about killing myself, the more I start blurting out random things and talking to myself. I normally say very violent things out of context. In the past couple of years, my short phrases have turned into conversations. I'll just start yelling about how I plan to kill someone, how I'm already dead, or how I plan on quitting school and work. The only thing is that I'm having conversations with no one. My mother asks me if I hear voices and then respond to them, but I don't hear anything. I just get overcome by this feeling and I start talking, and I have to force myself to stop. I tend to yell at home, and then speak at a normal tone or whisper in public. Is that normal? Or what could cause it? I guess it's just a nervous habit, but I don't know how to knock it off.

No it's really not normal. Can your parents afford to send you to a therapist? It would be best if your could talk to one. If they can't afford it, speak to your counselor at school. He/she can help you a little. They ARE trained to a certain extent, but your best bet would be a psychologist or psychiatrist.

But at least speak to your school counselor. You really do need to speak to someone. At least talk to your folks about going to a professional, ok?

I wish you the very best. God bless and take care and let us know how things turn out, ok? Hugs, Lee

It sounds a little like OCD to me. The thoughts of suicide sound like the obsession. The blurting out answers sounds like the compulsion. U say that u don't hear voices. Do you know that what you are doing is not normal? Do u try and hide it in public? Do u think you would ever follow through on these thoughts?

I agree with lee. Talk to a school counselor. But if u can, go to a psychologist or a psychiatrist. They can figure out what it wrong and medicate u or start u with therapy... There is a solution. You r in my thoughts...

You also say that it started as a nervous habit. OCD is an anxiety disorder...

Hi, I do something similar where an embarassing memory or scary thought will enter my head and I'll just reflexively shake my head or yell 'HA' or mutter something.

I never thought it was OCD or anything like that, just attributed it to high stress and a bad habit.

It sounds like a bad anxiety habit. I was sort of like that. Therapy and hard work might help. You have to work on the anxiety that is causing the suicide thoughts (the scariest thing there can be, things can't get worse than suicide so it's almost "comforting", it's a "bottom"/base to our thoughts) and the defensive habit that has developed of blurting out the opposite about killing/hurting others. Whenever I got really scared and could hardly function, I'd throw an imaginary hand grenade into my own foxhole and "start over". I don't do that anymore, I can deal with my anxieties and work to make things how I want them to be. But it took a whole lot of psychotherapy.

Get a hobby. That way you will do one thing at a time and also will make it easy for you to stop talking to yourself and saying random things.

I do have hobbies. They obviously aren't much help! I keep busy, but while I'm doing things I enjoy, or while I'm driving, that's when it gets a lot worse.

Also, I've started and stopped therapy twice with a psychologist. My mom will not take me to a psychiatrist because she doesn't want anyone to push medication on me. I have trouble talking to psychologists about my real issues. I normally spend time talking about my more minor troubles, and then my parents feel like they are wasting their money, so I stop. I did about 6 months when I was in middle school, and two months this past year. I haven't been in about three months. I liked the woman I talked to before, but I feel like the person I introduced to her and the person I really am are different, and I don't want to talk to her anymore. Also, I am really busy and have after school obligations three days a week, and also every weekend. My family sees therapy as something that is "extra". It just costs money and takes up time, and I really need to focus on my school work because my grades have been declining and I am already so busy.

when people talk to themselves it's a sign that they lack intellectual stimulation/conversations

i wonder if its a form of Tourettes? Hmmmm

My family used to think it was tourettes, but it didn't start until I was in middle school, which is kind of old for that. I probably won't ever find out, because I don't know how to tell someone face to face that I do that. It's so embarrassing.

Why can't you tell your medical doctor? He certainly would NOT laugh at you! And I'm sure some forms of Tourettes can lay dormant for awhile and then show up. You would have to ask a doctor tho.

So talk to your doctor about it. Believe me,, he's not going to make fun of you. I promise you. Just tell him that it is serious and really bothers you!

God bless you my friend, and PLEASE let us know? We really CARE! Hugs, Lee