I have been super angry with my father lately. Especially leading up to the morning I went to my appt with T4.

The offices are very close to where I grew up. Memories. I have to drive in the vicinity of my father's hospital to get there. Memories.

The few mornings prior to appt with T4, I had flashback after flashback of all the horrible things he has said (or not said), done (or lacked doing).

All that god-like condescending b**s*** intellect. The I am a doctor so I dont have to explain myself to you...the superior nature. The lack of feeling and expression. The blank look on his face or look of disappointment. The dismissing my knowledge because his is far superior to mine. The I dont have time for you. The f****** stubborn stance.

And his / their male friends...the same. I grew up with these people.

T is really good for me...what is not so good for me is being so triggered like this. Uch. All the bunched up anger all bubbling to the surface...i sleep poorly lately too. I wake up from broken sleep disturbed and angry hate this.

I hope journal writing, a letter i will never send, my art, I hope this passes soon. It is eating me up. And he doesnt know and i know for a fact, doesnt even care.

Oh and lest I forget, the fact that he is NEVER wrong and NEVER apologizes. For anything.

[whatbeanbelieved]

(((((Rose)))))

Sorry to hear you're going through this. At the same time, I get a sense that NOT going through this would be more detrimental as it would stay bottled up inside. Sounds like you're really, really angry. And anger, I think, as a person who gets really angry often, is something that serves a purpose. It's telling you something about yourself - that somewhere you're threatened, or scared, or your sense of self is being challenged. It stinks that this is how we react, but at the same time, it's so important to really allow the reaction to happen. So... I guess I'm kind of saying I'm not SORRY you're angry but sorry you're going through something painful. I hope you do go through the whole frustrating playing-out of feelings though... I hope there is a safe space for you to just be angry and say the things you want to say, because I know that anger unexpressed can become toxic.

Lots of love and about two gazillion cuddles.
~Bean

[AngelWolf3]

I am sorry you are angry too! But Bean is right, leaving it bottled up is worse, I think. But I know that it feels pretty dang crappy right now. (to make an understatement.) I just think it is great that you can identify and express what is going on inside of you right now, and that you are venting.

I really understand where you are coming from. Truly. I won't go into too much because this is your thread, but my dad is an Programming Analyst/Aeronautics Engineer, etc. and has the same attitude.

So I know where you are at, somewhat. I will be thinking of you today.

[Big Mama]

Rose, I am so sorry you are having to go threw this. At least you are accepting your anger and frustration. You are working on realizing emotions and not holding on to those emotions. I wish you all the hugs and prayers I can give.

[happiedasiy]

Rose, you are much wiser then I and I know through your postings great advice comes from great suffering.
Anger is like burning hot fire. Allow yourself to vent and cry if you have to.
Then when all that remains is burnt out, start anew day.
You are in my thoughts/prayers.