[Torterra1777]

I need help. I get bullied everyday since 2010. I got punched in the face today and I cant take it anymore. I overdose on energy drinks cause I get no sleep. I mean like 12 a week. Sometimes 6 a day. On some days i dont even eat. I also cut myself because I went from not even experienceing death to 3 in less than a year. Plus my gf moved away which made me cut even more. I have 24 scars on my body and I'm thinking of cutting more cause of he bullying. I'm living a terrible life because I get internally and externally abused every day. I hope someone has a way to turn my life around.

P.S. the worst I have done was get bullied, drink 6 energy drinks then throw up, and cutting myself all in a 4 hour period.

[Leed]

Hi my friend ~ I assume you're still iin school, right? Ok, here's the plan. First, I want you to go to the counselor and REPORT the bullying. You HAVE to because it's only going to get worse. Don't worry about any name calling or anything if they say you ratted on them, because those are just NAMES. You HAVE to report this because YOU and OTHER KIDS are getting bullied and someone is going to get seriously hurt, and it could be YOU. This has got to stop and stop NOW. YOU have to be the one to do it. So go to your counselor and report the people who are bullying you!! And do it TODAY!!!

Secondly, now that we are going to get the bullying under control, YOU are going to QUIT cutting, understand? You cannot continue to do this. You know why? Because one of these cuts could get infected, and you actually could lose an arm! Have you ever thought of that?? An infection could get really serious -- I doubt you'd go tell your parents that you cut yourself, and you'd try to treat it yourself, right? That wouldn't work. It would get worse and worse until your arm would become so infected it might even have to be removed. You MUST stop cutting.

The reason you are not sleeping is because you're drinking energy drinks!! You must KNOW that those affect your sleep. You cannot drink those anymore. Not even ONE. You must stop, and you have to start eating decent meals with your family. If you don't you will get very very sick. Are you anorexic? Be honest -- are you?

Talk to your counselor at school about these other issues too -- the cutting, the energy drinks, the no sleep, the not eating. That's what the counselor is for. Please talk to hiim or her, ok? You really need to talk to someone. It would be best if you talked to a professional therapist if your parents would take you. God bless and take care. Hugs, Lee

[grey_aj]

Hi there,

I'm in school too, so maybe we're similar in age?

I agree with Leed, though I must admit that all of what was suggested is easier said than done. Please try to do all of it and don't feel bad if you can't do all of it at once!

Another reason for stopping cutting other than the infection part is the addiction part. Cutting signals your brain to release endorphins, the "feel-good" chemical that gets released.

I agee that, as hard as it sounds, report the bullying first. You can deal with the rest from there.

-AJ

[jelly-bean]

The others are absolutely right!!!!! First the bullying has to stop and, as Leed said, not just for you but for all the others that are getting abused. I know if you are a victim there are others who are getting hurt too. When you report them then feel really good about it because other kids are going to be better off for what you were strong enough to do. Just try to do one thing at a time because each one will be somewhat difficult. The cutting might be easier to stop when you have accomplished something you can be proud of but it is of the utmost importance that you stop cutting. Please talk to your parents or the school councilor and get some help. It will be very hard to get through this all by yourself. Post again and let us know how you are doing.

[Odee]

Energy drinks don't really give you energy -- they give you a sense of wakefulness. So even if you feel tired during the day or night and you believe the drinks aren't working that doesn't mean that they aren't keeping you from falling asleep. Caffeine is just going to keep you awake, which is not what you want right now.

If you need a little pep to focus in class, maybe cut it down to half a drink in the morning, but keep it at that! Keep this going for a week or two and see how you feel and sleep without the caffeine.

And everyone else in on top of it already: report the bullying.

I hope you feel better soon.

[whatbeanbelieved]

Originally Posted by Torterra1777

I need help. I get bullied everyday since 2010. I got punched in the face today and I cant take it anymore. I overdose on energy drinks cause I get no sleep. I mean like 12 a week. Sometimes 6 a day. On some days i dont even eat. I also cut myself because I went from not even experienceing death to 3 in less than a year. Plus my gf moved away which made me cut even more. I have 24 scars on my body and I'm thinking of cutting more cause of he bullying. I'm living a terrible life because I get internally and externally abused every day. I hope someone has a way to turn my life around.

P.S. the worst I have done was get bullied, drink 6 energy drinks then throw up, and cutting myself all in a 4 hour period.

Sounds to me like you have experienced QUITE a lot in the last two years, with little or no support. I'm sorry to hear you've been bereaved thrice and that you've at the same time experienced a painful break-up. In some ways the breaking up feels almost as horrible as a death of a loved one, because that person goes away in an irrevocable manner.

The cutting, the not eating, the over-drinking of energy drinks... I have some thoughts on these, which I'd like to share. I have taught in a school and because I was only 10 years older than my students I knew people who could talk to me about their tendencies towards self-harm and self-abuse (perhaps because intuitively they knew I have a history of the same).

I think hurting yourself can be very addictive. There is temporary release in doing so, and that release can be addictive and it really becomes difficult to stop. Cutting is particularly dangerous because you could cut too deep and that can be fatal. I'm guessing that what you're wanting is some support, some clarity and some hope as to how to deal with this stuff; I'm suggesting that there are other paths to dealing. What those paths are of course is your choice.

That you're here, you've posted, and you're talking about it at least somewhere is one huge step. There is hope in that because you're taking a step on your own.

I agree with everyone. It isn't easy to talk to someone about something this traumatic and complicated, but even if you are not comfortable with taking issues of cutting to a counselor, talking to them about the bullying is important. If you are concerned for your safety, talk to them about that as well.

Please know also that no matter how many people leave, you are precious and loved. So please do take care of yourself.

Much, much love and many hugs.

[Torterra1777]

Hi guys, thanks for all your support. I went and talked to the principal about the bullying and they punished me for it. I got in school suspension which is just sit in a small room, do 2 worksheets, then sit for 6 hours. The energy drinks have slowed down but I still drink them. I went to talk to the councelor and they said they can help. I'm going back to talk to them on Monday. I feel like I want to cut everyday. I almost cut today but I didnt.

Thanks

[whatbeanbelieved]

Torterra... that is wonderful. It's a huge step and a brave thing to do to not cut. And it's not easy. I'm really glad to hear you stopped yourself today. Just another day and it will be Monday. (((((Hugs)))))

Hi Torterra1777 - im sorry for your bereavement and that this bullying has gone unchecked. Presuming you are in some sort of educational environment there must be a way for you to report the behaviour - the tutors will deal with it in a way that won't suggest you were the one who reported it and hopefully the situation will improve from there. Remember that bullies are just people who are dealing with their own insecurities and unhappiness, its unlikely you're the only person who has fallen victim to them so its best really to speak up now before it gets worse.

In the mean time i would attend meetings with a school therapist/counsellor to help you deal with how difficult your life has become both in school and elsewhere, they will also be able to liaise with your tutors if need be to make sure that you feel safe at school. Are your family/friends aware of what is happening? This sounds like a lot to deal with by yourself - you need to make sure you have a solid support network around you to help you progress and move on from this experience. If you don't already have a therapist outside of school or wherever it is you go then its probably best you arrange to meet someone, they will help you to cope with the feelings that lead you to self harm. They should also be able to help you with your bereavement and anxiety over your girlfriend.

As someone who has SI'ed for a very long time i can tell you it is a completely futile exercise - it is eventually ineffective and you're left scarred and emotionally exhausted - possibly addicted. It gets you absolutely nowhere. As does drinking energy drinks - your body cannot keep sustaining such manic highs so you need to focus on just eating healthily and getting the right amount of sleep, prescribed medication could help with the latter.

Trust me you will feel so much better by simply taking care of yourself you just need the incentive to do so - and this could come from wanting to do well at school. Focus on what you want out of life. The person with the power to change the situation is you. All the best.