[whatbeanbelieved]

I feel resentful towards most of the world, agitated and really randomly blue. Perhaps not so randomly - I think I want ... exactly the right kind of attention and affection. I know this is unreasonable, because everyone has different ways of being. But I really just... want to be significant enough for someone to be differently for me, for a while. Stupid, isn't it?

Meanwhile, I'm behind on my work, anxious and freaking out quietly. And a friend has come to stay, so a little... agitated from that too - like my space is shared suddenly, and I love her, but I still feel overwhelmed and... like I've spent energy on her so there's not enough for me? As a consequence have slept through most of today.

Just... I don't feel okay. I feel almost pressured to BE okay, but I'm not feeling okay. And I feel upset when I tell someone about being less okay because there is either advice or a sense of 'this will pass' and 'this is all for the best' and 'this is part of life' ... and I'm sure all that is true, but it's still... HAPPENING and that is monumental. So I want consideration but I'm grumpy.

[Leed]

It's OKAY to be upset when someone invades your space. Sure, you could have said "No, you can't come stay with me" but that would have made you a jerk. And no one wants to be portayed like that. So you had to share your space. Even when you didn't want to. We;ve all had that happen.

And i know what you mean about wanting the same consideration/attention/love. You SHOULD have it, and you're worthy of it. You deserve it! Trouble is, we don't always get it. At least not at the exact time that we want it or need it. We may have to wait awhile before it comes -- but it almost ALWAYS comes.

So please be patient. I know that's hard. It's lonely not getting the ''same as." But you will. Trust me. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

[whatbeanbelieved]

This is my best friend. It's not difficult to tell her that I need space; she gets it and backs off, and in some senses, it's actually nicer to have someone in the house.

I'm sort of slipping. My head is getting caught in loops; last night I caught caught in the "omg it's all my fault loop". I could recognise it was a loop but the fact that that recognition did nothing for the resolution of said loop was just really upsetting. Because there's a big part of me that wants to fix everything and sort it out. But I couldn't sort this out.

I've committed myself in a conversation with the ex to wait for him for a few months. And I'm sort of ... not handling this well. Because it involves a lot of acceptance that crap is happening, and I don't like to accept crap. >_< So the waiting... you're more right than you know. Except this waiting is tarnished further by a question of "omg am I doing the right thing? omg is it all my fault?" So I'm looping. (Giving a whole new spin to "loopy" ><)

(((Leed)))

[Leed]

Why SHOULD you accept crap?? Why DO you accept crap? There's no reason you should have to. Just don't accept it. The reason for your breakup was probably due to "crap," right? So why get mixed up in any more of it?

I wouldn't wait for my ex if he's involved in crap or if he's GIVING me crap. No way. You're going to just end up in the same place you were before. Right? And you'll just break up again. Right? You'd be best served to just walk away from this, and don't wait. You can find someone better than this, and who treats you better. Don't "settle." You don't have to!! Hugs, Lee