[LavenderFruitNinja]

One of the reasons I probably feel so messed up is how my emotions tend to be opposite at the same time, leading me to talk or even argue with myself trying to find a middle agreement. When someone compliments me, I feel proud and sure of myself, but at the same time, I can feel my cheeks burning with embarrassment. Two sides of me, one wanting compliments all the time and even speaking loudly to get attention, and the other that gets embarrassed easily and hates when people compliment her, never believing it. I'm not even sure which one of these sides is my true self.

Other examples are being depressed/cheerful, hungry yet refusing to eat because I honestly don't feel I can. My side that wants to brutally destroy everything, and the pacifist that appears in the midst of destructive thoughts. Craving affection, yet wanting to push everyone away. Crying and being happy that I'm letting it out, but at the same time hurting myself because I feel I am weak.

Are these normal screwed-up teenage feelings and thoughts? I want to know that at least, to know if this will pass at some point so I can think clearly, without voices arguing in my head all the time, always yammering in my subconscious.

- Rin

[Iamhealingme]

There's an old saying...you have 2 wolves fighting in your head, a good wolf and a bad wolf. When asked, which one wins?...the answer is... the one you feed the most. Feed your good wolf.

[LostMom3]

A lot of people have conflicting thoughts and emotions. It is pretty common. Focus on the good thoughts and emotions and maybe you will get used to them and accept them.

[AngelWolf3]

I totally empathize with you. It's like you read my mind about this because I too am going through exactly what you are describing!!! I think it can be "normal" for some at any age...I am 31 and still feeling what you are feeling. I think it's great that you were able to articulate this so clearly, I have not been able to except in a vague poem that I wrote this weekend.

Random side note: I wish there was some way to control the face getting red thing, lol...

[everything]

Some psychologists are starting to propose that we don't have one personality, we all actually have multi-dimensional personalities. Your emotions sound almost exactly like mine. And I can say at the place I've gotten to that you can be fine with those emotions. Accept that they are there, don't dwell on the bad. Embrace what benefits you, what makes you confident and leads you to success.

[keepingalice]

Originally Posted by Wolfin3

I totally empathize with you. It's like you read my mind about this because I too am going through exactly what you are describing!!! I think it can be "normal" for some at any age...I am 31 and still feeling what you are feeling. I think it's great that you were able to articulate this so clearly, I have not been able to except in a vague poem that I wrote this weekend.

Random side note: I wish there was some way to control the face getting red thing, lol...

And I am 45! Since March 1, 2008 I have been a totally different person. I couldn't see it but it was happening...every memory I possessed started flooding into my blood and it has been spilling out every since. I have to stop the bleeding at some point, but I have heard all wounds need air to mend. Band-aids are just not good enough. Repressed memories only get more lethal with time! So dealing with whatever is bothering any of us sooner than later is definitely wise advice. It is hard to face ourselves, to look in the mirror and see exactly what is there.

As far as the contradicting thoughts...are you afraid to be successful? Were you hurt in the past and seeking safety in the familiar? We become persons of habit out of the need to protect ourselves. Perhaps you are feeling vulnerable to your environment and retreating when you really want to get out of your shell and shine! I don't know...