Apathetic and numb, but angry

I've just been feeling really strange. At times, I feel completely numb and just devoid of any feeling, towards anything. In my JS class, we were reading about the Holocaust, and most times, I feel a mix of dismay and confusion, however mild it is. But today, I felt nothing. Actually nothing. And it's not just a lazy feeling of being bored or anything like that, I literrally felt numb. My skin was tingling as if the cold air around me was needles, and I felt empty, with none of the words on the page affecting me at all. It's also very hard to understand things when I go into my apathetic mode; the number 6 million is just unfathomable for me, and I felt that annoying tug in me, the one that makes me hate not knowing something. But I couldn't even hate, feeling nothing at all.

Then sometimes, I will become angry or aggravated for no reason. I will behave like a wild animal let loosen in a new environment. I'm usually easily annoyed, which is the main reason I am quite antisocial, but this annoyance is to a completely different degree. My memory, which makes me forget a lot of things in short-term, will somehow dig up the one time a random person of my friends insulted me or hurt me. Then, whether I want to or not, I will have an urge to simply ignore them the whole day and sometimes even do small acts of cruelty like bumping into them, taking their pencil when they're not looking, or kicking their backpack.

These constantly varying emotions really confuse me, especially because I switch between them so often that I don't have a chance to adjust. Does anyone have any methods they use for dealing with life-distrupting emotions like these?

Thank you for reading,
Rin

I'm sorry that you feel this way... is there anyone you can talk to? A close friend, maybe? Or even just talking to people on the PsychCentral live chat thing might help... it will give you someone to talk to. You also said that you switch between emotions and that it is confusing, do you think there is a possibility of bipolarity...? Just some suggestions.

- AJ

I do have a friend to talk to, but they live across the country from me, so we talk online... it's the way I feel most comfortable talking anyway. And of course I can't tell yet, but as I become more active on this site, I'm sure I can get some things figured out, and maybe even help someone else... I have considered the bipolar idea, since I sometimes do switch off with weeks of hyperness, but I'm not sure if I have any other symptoms associated with it. And I also don't know if during weeks of depression bipolar people can be happy or bouncy at times as well, and vice-versa. Maybe, since i read that a lack of sleep makes you hyper and they overlap... I will try to read more about it.

I appreciate your suggestions, thank you, Aj-san.

It's possible to have both at the same time, it's called a mixed episode. Maybe you can take the Psych Central bipolar screening test?

http://psychcentral.com/quizzes/bipolarquiz.htm

- AJ

I did take it, and got a 45. But it won't be very accurate since I'm not 18 yet, so I guess I'll just have to try and monitor myself for now, though I'm usually taken by surprise whenever I suddenly lash out.

- Rin