[gon3withth3wend]

Someone I used to be good friends with but I am not as close with anymore attempted suicide a bit back and spent time in the hospital. In some twisted way, I'm jealous... her attempt triggers suicidal thoughts for me. I've spent years thinking about it, and had plans, with dates and letters written multiple times within the past year, but I never acted because I realize the likelihood of a failed attempt and I'm afraid that the consequences of a failed attempt would be too unbearable for me. Each plan I thought I had was faulty, and probably would have only resulted in regrettable injury, but certainly not death. I'm 17 and live with my parents, and only once did they even threaten to make me go to the hospital.

My thoughts have decreased a lot since last spring. I used to think about it so much that I couldn't perform well in school, but I'd been only thinking about it when I get upset (Which is often, but a lot less frequent than almost all day). Until I find out about this person's situation, and now I feel like I'm thinking about it more. This morning I felt very hopeless and I thought I'd for sure do something, but my day turned around. Got a text from a good friend from across the country and realized she would actually be heartbroken if I did something like that. I really doubt I'll make any sort of attempt soon, but I'm wondering if it's normal for someone to feel kind of triggered with a person like this in their lives. This old friend that made the attempt is someone I really like, and we never had a dispute that made us grow apart. We just stopped having classes together and neither of us is very social. We have a lot in common and I wish we were better friends. I guess I'm also jealous that people know and understand her problems, but I feel like my family has ignored mine and left me to slowly feel worse. I have a T, but I'm not very good at therapy. I will for sure make slow progress with my T.

do keep us updated on your progress.

hugs

[dugan123]

Hi Wendy, I think its normal for this friends attempt to trigger u. Be honest with ur t who can probably help u if ur honest with him or her. R u on any medication?

[Leed]

TRIGGER!!


Honey have you TOLD your therapist about your plans, etc? Have you told your therapist all about this suicide idea? If you haven't you HAVE TO. !!! He MUST know everything you're thinking, as far as suicide goes. If he doesn't he won't be able to treat you properly. You have to open up completely, and be totally honest with him. I know you said that therapist is difficult for you, but you MUST trust your therapist. If you don't, then what is the use of therapy?

Sweetie, I started therapy when I was in my twenties, and I was in therapy for MANY years, off and on. I told my therapist EVERYTHING. He had to know in order to understand me. And believe me, even then it was hard for him. I had a lot of issues that were bothering me, so he had a lot of work to do. That's why it took so long. I don't think YOU want to be in therapy for years and years, do you?

So open up -- tell him about these thoughts you're having and make sure he understands1! Once you get started it won't be so hard. Promise you'll tell him?? You have to!!! Okay? Let me know -- when is your next session? Tell him then and let me know afterwards, ok? I REALLY CARE! God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee

[shezbut]

((((Wendy))))

Developing trust in therapy can take some time. Different T's have different ways of going about their business. Especially with youth, T's have to be very careful. It is up to you to bring up a perfectly valid Q like you asked in here when you're in T next time.

That will give him/her a lot to work with ~ and help guide you to answer your own Q's and beliefs. Please do speak up and share thoughts like these in T. That's exactly what they're being paid to do for you. To help you work through thoughts like these.

[gon3withth3wend]

I understand that if I don't really tell my T everything, she won't really be able to help me. I guess I feel like she is really a nice person, but I'm not 100% comfortable telling her everything. Times that I have talked more about some more serious problems than just having trouble with friends or test anxiety, she tells me that we'll talk about it at a later session. I normally don't feel that bad when I get to therapy, and I guess I kind of wait for her to ask me about certain things and she never does. So I know that's something I have to do. I see T on the first of the month, I think.

dugan, no, I'm not on medication.