[Big Mama]

Hi all. I don't usually post stuff in this forum. But I don't know exactly where to put it.

I am just so tired of my life, My H and I never get along. We have a hard to even talking w/ out someone's feeling being hurt. I can never do anything right. I don't know the answers to his questions and the questions are simple. How am I supposed to ask you to .... clean, stop doing your work at the table, what ever. There is no right answer. He used to gripe, now that issue is resolved. He used to intimidate and raise his voice and now that is getting better but just because he asks nicely doesn't mean I have to do what he says. I think that is more of the issue. If he doesn't get compliance he gets angry. He used to raise his voice or be overly aggressive but he has finally learned to be quieter and calmer but just because one is quiet and calm doesn't mean I still have to do what he wants. Ex. I teach home school. My kids were at my parents for the evening so it was a perfect opportunity to get ahead on my part of the lesson. My H was on the computer anyway. And my little girl was playing in the floor in the room he was in. He finished w/ the computer and asked me to stop working on home school stuff. He wanted me to stop NOW. I had two sentences to write and my work was complete. I asked him if I could write those last to sentences and he said "even if I said no would it matter." WHAT THE HELL. WAIT A F****N MIN. 2 sentences shy of being complete. It's stupid stuff like that that makes me so angry.
While I was working he asked me to hang up the dish cloths not to leave them crumpled in the sink. I didn't want to stop working at the moment. If it bothered him he could do it. Or if he saw it undone he could fix it not request that I stop what I'm doing and get up and do it. He walked out of the room and I get yelled at for not wanting to be sociable and try to get along and work on things. Well pardon. He want me to trot along after him and be so far up his ***** no one can breathe. Because I don't hang on his last word and die for his attention that makes me bad. If he would talk to me in a way that would make me want to be w/ him it would be easier to be around him. But I don't want to be near him only to argue more and be told I am wrong.
I'm just so tired of things. I want to leave some days and other days I don't mind staying. I don't know if a temporary seperation is possible. The anxiety I would have if we sat a date would be mighty high. The T suggests we set a date and if things between us are not resolved in 3 months then a temporary seperation would be best. If not temp then simply a divorce. I have a strong christian background and do not believe in divorce and he is the same way. Society says DIVORCE. But that is so much easier said then done. Sorry just a vent I don't know what to do anymore and need to be heard thats all. Heard and not so alone w/ my own thoughts.

[kindachaotic]

No need to apologize at all. You are heard & believed! Please keep posting.
Divorce is never easy or ideal for you or children. Been there with a young son & had to make that decision to stay or go.
Ex H was already hard on my son, not just me, didn't want that life for us.
But then ex made things very hard on me & neglected my son when he needed a dad.
But...a peaceful home was worth it.

Tough decision, everyone's situation is different & a very personal one.
Children learn what they see & are exposed to. They have no choice, they learn from example.
Again which is best? Which is best for your family?
To stay together, status quo or separate & see how everyone does without the stress & tension of your marriage. A time limit sounds reasonable to me but if you do decide to leave STICK to that decision or it will mean nothing to him.
It will be a bluff he could possibly thro back in your face.

Draw on your faith. Your support ladies group seems to have served you well.
If you feel comfortable maybe confide in the one's you think can be trusted.
Whatever you decide, you deserve better, either as a couple or apart.
You are not a door mat or a puppy to trail behind him catering to his every whim.
This may seem a little blunt but only want the best for you.
Take good care.

[Leed]

Kindachaotic made an important point -- children LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE. If your children (boys especially) see that women are supposed to be treated this way, then that is the way they will treat their wives. And the girls will choose aggressive men, who treat them badly. Children DO learn what they live.

I certainly learned WELL what I lived. I came from an alcoholic home, and I became an alcoholic. Yes, I learned well.

The trouble is, your self-esteem is in the pot -- I can tell that just by the way you're posting! Your words say it. Some time ago, I suggested a trial separation and I still think it's a good idea.

God bless my friend, and take care of YOU. Hugs, Lee