I need a new coping method

I seem to have two states: Distracted or depressed. If the distraction is neutral like reading a non-fiction book, then I am neutral. If it is positive, I can get myself out of my funk but only for that period of time that the distraction is there. Kind of like...when the music stops...I revert. Steady state is to be on the verge of tears every waking hour, including the hours I do not sleep, which are many. Distraction is exhausting. Anxiety, paranoia, depression, isolation, triggers, never ending emotional abuse are also exhausting. There just seems to be no way out. Well...there is one...but I've talked myself out of that final solution for the time being.

What is there besides distraction? OK...sleeping pills. Too temporary, unless I want to spend my life in a coma. Meditation doesn't work. Not distracting enough. Clearing my thoughts out allows equally bad ones in. I guess the real question is "what is there that will endure, that will not be simply a fleeting distraction or drug induced state? Anybody got any ideas? Can anybody relate?

I can relate. have you/are you in therapy? It sounds like you may have an anxiety disorder, or depression. Sometimes, you have to go that route if natural methods dont work, becuase it may be something bigger that needs medication. You dont have to feel that way; there is hope. If you havent seen a doc about it, i would...

Thanks Miswimmy. Yes I am in therapy. I have been diagnosed with GAD and MDD and have almost all the symptoms of complex PTSD (aka Borderline Personality Disorder). I have tried 4 different antidepressants, none of them worked, and generally made me worse. Thanks for your suggestions anyway. Sorry you can relate. I hope what you are doing is helping you.

Have u tried anti anxiety medication? I found that when I got my anxiety under control,y depression wasn't as bad. The fact that antidepressants didn't work for u may mean that you aren't actually depressed at all. Possibly just overwhelmed with anxiety...

This is currently my main emotional control.

Imagine a small ball in your mind, this ball rests in the center of your emotions where everything is calm. It rests in a small divot, so it doesn't move as easily. Whenever your emotions stray you simply roll the ball back to the center, it only takes a couple seconds. If the emotion is deeper, imagine another ball deeper, going down as many as necessary. If you follow Tantra, this is very similar to aligning your Chakra's.