[Chrysalis12]

I hate myself. No matter how hard I try, I am nothing but a useless disappointment to everyone I know. I'm sure my teachers hate how unintelligent I am despite my efforts in class. And I know my friends actually are my friends because they pity my meaninglessness. I am so sick of being myself! I am tired of waking up in the morning, hoping I disappear. I am tired of feeling guilty whenever I breathe because I know that I am selfishly polluting the air. I am tired of talking when I know people cannot stand to hear my voice. I am tired of being me. Please help me...

[FooZe]

Originally Posted by Chrysalis12

...

No matter how hard I try, I am nothing but a useless disappointment to everyone I know.

I'm sure my teachers hate how unintelligent I am despite my efforts in class.

...I know my friends actually are my friends because they pity my meaninglessness.

I am tired of feeling guilty whenever I breathe because I know that I am selfishly polluting the air.

I am tired of talking when I know people cannot stand to hear my voice.

...

You sure are being hard on yourself. I was wondering, though -- if perchance some of the things you've listed turned out not to be so, would that pose any kind of problem for you?

Once upon a time, when I was not quite out of my teens, I was convinced that girls weren't going to like me unless I worked really hard to impress them and prove I deserved it -- and probably not even then. I happened to hook up with a girl who seemed to like me anyway and, even worse, to be working hard to impress me. I couldn't stand it. How could I keep struggling to impress somebody who was already impressed? I dumped her.

Your post happened to remind me of something that I posted about standards a while ago. I'd rather not post the same thing over again but here's a link to it.

i can't give you any real advice... but i do hope things will get better for you.

you can only try your best, after all

[MusicalRaven]

I agree with FooZe. You are being very hard on yourself.

I can't give you an real advice considering that I suffer with the same feelings. Just take everything one day at a time.

You do matter and I'm sure there are people out there that could tell you so.

I hope you feel better soon.

[SocioJayOlogy]

Check in with a counselor see if you have a learning disability.go to drama to learn how to speak and attend speech classes in college (they are fun).

[SocioJayOlogy]

Suicide is not the answer, you were put here for a purpose but you're still young so give yourself plenty of time to find it. I know I sound churchy but hey, that's really the bottomline to life. You're just a kid and it makes sense to why you're really sensitive lol.

[Chrysalis12]

Originally Posted by SocioJayOlogy

Check in with a counselor see if you have a learning disability.go to drama to learn how to speak and attend speech classes in college (they are fun).

I wish it was that simple. To me, I could have all the knowledge in the world about philosophy, rhetoric, and performing arts, but still be miserable. Basically, I know the right answer, but I do not live it because I am a coward.

[Chrysalis12]

The you in the past sounds a lot like me in the present. I always feel that I have to earn everything. Everything from material goods to relationships. More than anything, I want to love and be loved. I have to earn it. Perfect grades, hard work, losing weight, and etiquette are all things I must uphold on a daily basis. But even though I do all of this, I feel emptier than ever. I still do not deserve to be loved, and my friends must hate having a worthless friend like me.

[FooZe]

Originally Posted by Chrysalis12

Perfect grades, hard work, losing weight, and etiquette are all things I must uphold on a daily basis. But even though I do all of this, I feel emptier than ever. I still do not deserve to be loved...

That happened to remind me of something Eric Hoffer once said: "You can never get enough of what you don’t need to make you happy."