Obsessing over excessively sad events - is this depression?

Hi,

Since the events in CT, I can't stop thinking about it. I hesitate to even write anything beyond "events in CT" for fear of aggravating my emotional reaction to it. When I say obsessing over it, I feel like I can't go 10 minutes without the mental imagery of that moment, the fear and sadness that permeated that location at that point in time, I feel like my stomach is getting crushed by the emotional imagery.

I am a very successful professional, male, in my 30's with a few children that are my life. I've always had this overly empathetic side to me and have considered seeking professional help but generally time was enough to heal me, and I was always afraid that spending time talking about the issue at hand would serve to extend its influence on my psyche. Also, with several advanced degrees that included lower-level psych classes and an unusually high iq I wondered whether traditional psychotherapy would be effective; hopefully that didn't sound too elitist. I blame my intelligence for much of my issue; I have an ability to process a large number of streams concurrently, which is a blessing when it comes to my field, and a curse when negative imagery overwhelms anything else I try to focus on. I just can't seem to shake the thoughts of the suffering that was experienced in those senseless moments.

I understand how illogical my issue is; far more deaths occur in the span of a week, many of which involve even more unspeakable suffering. I've spent days trying to make myself understand that the constant sadness I'm now experiencing just doesn't make sense, to no avail.

I'm generally a fairly stable person. I don't think I've cried more than once in the last 10 years before this incident. Since then I've broken down several times; at work, on the drive home, hugging my daughter. I decided two days ago I needed help, and spent some time researching therapists in my area. I reached out to one that seemed promising, only to get a response saying that she, too, is having difficulty processing the event and would not be able to assist me.

My questions - what issue do I have? OCD? Depression? Can therapy really help, can it extend my suffering, should I just wait things out? Historically, I know that other, less intense obsessions lasted about a month before I started noticing relief, in the form of being able to not have a single thought about the event in question for more than a few hours. I'm nervous however; this event is so much more intense for me, and vivid, debilitating thoughts are triggered by so many stimuli (my children, any guns/shooting on TV/online) I fear it might be much longer before I can smile to friends and family and not feel like I'm forcing a happy face for their benefit.

If I should seek help, what specialties, training, etc. should I be looking for? What forms of therapy would you suggest?

Thank you, for any insight.

My advse is to turn off the TV and limit useing the computer to keeping in touch with family, and avoid news sites and dont click on news storys on your E Mail page. Our modern media is obssesed with ain't it awlful storys because they sell. Our culture imprints us with negitive thinking from birth.

Get outdoors more, do things where your not exposed so much to the Media. Do things that make you feel good:

http://www.cavalia.net/en/odysseo/videos

Use the above link to start your Journey.

(((Cowbell))),

Well, the best thing for you to do is what you have just done in this post, talk about how this has affected you. What you are expressing is actually what "many" are feeling right now. Anyone who has a child is also affected because they have become more aware that life is fragile and "unpredictable" and just the thought of losing a child is "unimaginable" and "scarey".

Human beings "like" predictability and are drawn to obtaining a sense of structure that feels safe to them and their families.

This incident was "tramatic" and many people have been "tramatized" by it. And because it was sudden and we do not have the "whys" or answers that can bring us a certain way to make sure this doesn't happen again, we are left with a sense of "vulnerablity".

It sounds like you are a person who thinks with a lot of "structure" and you function well with that. Well, this is not something that offers any "structure", it is "chaos" and without any conclusive and structural answers.

If you are a person with a lot of empathy, you may have experienced things in your past that "hurt" you somehow and so you empathize with others who are hurt or tramatized. This is most likely why that therapist was struggling as well, often people become therapists because they suffered themselves and have some kind of strong desire to reach out and help others. Some therapists can work in the field of psychotherapy for years never having truely resolved their own deep issues. Some solve their own issues while treating others too.

So you probably just stumbled across a therapist that was caught off guard and is now struggling. That doesn't mean that "all therapists" are struggling like this.

What you can do is get involved with your childs school, find out what new measures of security can take place and see if there are any commitees that have formed to address this new very real challenge from a parent's standpoint.

There has been a tremendous amount of coverage in the media on this event as well.
So it has been very hard not to have this pushed into your face, even our computers have had so much put on our homepage that has kept this tragedy in all of our minds.

Most children are still home on winter break and safe in our homes, so the fear of them going back to school is a concern for all parents.

We all have to grieve this event and find our way to getting ourselves back to finding ways to feel safe again. As I mentioned, you can help that by making sure you get more involved as a parent to make sure your child's school is now taking more steps towards "safety" and "prevention".

Come and vent or talk as much as you need here too.

Welcome to PC, there are a lot of nice and supportive people here, so feel free to come and talk when you need to.

((((Hugs))))
Open Eyes

Thunderbow, nice link, my long time passion too. Thanks for sharing.
A reminder to embrace the beauty's in life and "live".

Open Eyes

@Cowbell:
I can empathize with you completely, I also know these obsessive feelings, and just like you, I can't stop them, I can't forget the images that triggered and still trigger them. I feel like a helpless traitor whenever I notice that I have forgotten about them for some time, and I know, I can't really help the victims.
I had watched videos of animal abuse and torture on some animal welfare organizations' website. I cried waterfalls and couldn't stop, I was completely distressed, knowing that every single second something similar is happening in this world, and I can't stop it. I even started to torture myself (burning my skin) believing that I would thus be able to alleviate some of these poor creatures' pain.

I talked with my T about it, and he said something like I don't want to allow myself being happy and satisfied, that I feel guilty for something I am not responsible for. I had to disagree with him, and maybe that was his intention, too, because he wanted me to learn to distance myself from emotions that are not mine.

My T also said that it is possible that I have projected some subdued feelings for my mother (guilty conscience because I feel incapable of making her happy) onto these images and can now allow myself to go through these feelings completely.

Maybe there is an older conflict inside you too that was triggered by these images and now coalesces with your emotional reaction to the events in CT.