[hezaa82]

tonight was tough. I waited an hour in a coffee shop for a friend who was supposed to meet me after work just to have her cancel (she had to work overtime). That's not her fault, but it still makes me feel bad. Today was my last day of work for the year and I can't even celebrate with anyone...

I've always been really insecure about being alone and not having enough friends. It makes sense - my mother was emotionally unavailable, my whole family was dysfunctional, I didn't really have any friends in school. It's a lot of abandonment and feeling unwanted and not good enough. So I've never been successful at making friends as an adult either. I just wish I had someone who was really present in my life, someone who I knew I was important to.

[hezaa82]

it's frustrating because I've been wanting to catch up with her for awhile but it keeps not working out. I know I have some problems with being addicted to talking about myself/addicted to venting, so I don't know if I'm irritate because I want to share with her I can't, or if I'm being controlling and wanting to control how close we are but not being able to. I don't know how to see the difference between addictive and manipulative behavior, and normal trying-to-become-friends behavior.

I don't know what to do at times like these when I'm feeling really distraught.

[Leed]

I don't think what you're feeling is far from normal. You haven't seen her in awhile, and you're disappointed that she couldn't make it! Who WOULDN'T be upset? And when you're already insecure and have abandonment issues, that only serves to heighten them when she calls to say she can't make it.

I too don't have many friends. In fact, I have only one REAL friend -- and right now she's on life support and is in critical condition. I'm really upset both for her and her family, but for me too! Isn't that selfish?!! I'm afraid of losing her! She's been my one true friend since I was 4 yrs old, and I'm 63 now!!!

But I don't think you're going overboard in your emotions. I don't think it's addictive or manipulative. I think you're just disappointed. It's a shame that it keeps falling thru when you arrange a get-together but I'm sure it will work out one of these days. She won't ALWAYS have to work overtime.

I know it's tough not to have more friends in your life. You can try to meet people in Libraries, coffee shops, stores, etc. Even laundromats are good places to meet people! Give it a try.

Best of luck Hezaa, and God bless. Hugs, Lee

[Stardusted]

Originally Posted by Leed

I don't think what you're feeling is far from normal. You haven't seen her in awhile, and you're disappointed that she couldn't make it! Who WOULDN'T be upset? And when you're already insecure and have abandonment issues, that only serves to heighten them when she calls to say she can't make it.

I too don't have many friends. In fact, I have only one REAL friend -- and right now she's on life support and is in critical condition. I'm really upset both for her and her family, but for me too! Isn't that selfish?!! I'm afraid of losing her! She's been my one true friend since I was 4 yrs old, and I'm 63 now!!!

But I don't think you're going overboard in your emotions. I don't think it's addictive or manipulative. I think you're just disappointed. It's a shame that it keeps falling thru when you arrange a get-together but I'm sure it will work out one of these days. She won't ALWAYS have to work overtime.

I know it's tough not to have more friends in your life. You can try to meet people in Libraries, coffee shops, stores, etc. Even laundromats are good places to meet people! Give it a try.

Best of luck Hezaa, and God bless. Hugs, Lee

Sorry about your friend Leed.

[Thunder Bow]

Click on this link and play the video. It will help you feel better:

http://www.cavalia.net/en/odysseo/videos

[Needin Help]

Originally Posted by hezaa82

tonight was tough. I waited an hour in a coffee shop for a friend who was supposed to meet me after work just to have her cancel (she had to work overtime). That's not her fault, but it still makes me feel bad. Today was my last day of work for the year and I can't even celebrate with anyone...

I've always been really insecure about being alone and not having enough friends. It makes sense - my mother was emotionally unavailable, my whole family was dysfunctional, I didn't really have any friends in school. It's a lot of abandonment and feeling unwanted and not good enough. So I've never been successful at making friends as an adult either. I just wish I had someone who was really present in my life, someone who I knew I was important to.

I know how you feel. It's been suggested to me that I get a pet. Anything from a simple fish to a dog, just something that will make you feel like your needed and important. ...it's worth a shot!

[Thunder Bow]

Relieing on others for emotional support and self worth will always lead to trouble. Be your own Crisis Warrior. Be your own best friend to start.

[ddowner]

Hey, I can totally relate to all your issues. My family was also dysfunctional and I didn't have a very good upbringing. I have low self confidence, don't feel like I'm good enough, and I have very few friends (always have). People always treated me kind of like an outcast because I never had the nice clothes, shoes, etc and I was a nerd. Even as an adult, I'm still trying to figure out where I belong and what I'm supposed to be doing with my life.