[RunningEagleRuns]

I'm a mess. I feel trapped by God and life... I have depression and schizophrenia, the voices won't leave me alone and God won't kill me. And I think Jesus is trying to kick me out of my church even though I cant do the things he wants me too.. close to going back to being a druggie.. at least that would help the depression.

Also contemplating suicide and leaving my church.. I need a vacation..

[MudCrab]

Hello, RunningEagleRuns. What does your treatment team say?

[yellowted]

hi RunningEagleRuns, please do not go back to being a druggie, look where it got you last time and how far you have come since then, you are worth more than that. Suicide is not an option worth trying, it only works when God wants it to, if it is not your time it will not work. trust me i know from much experience!

i am not in favour of churches of any religion as they harbour some of the worst people on earth, but if you feel you are getting support there then dig your heals in and continue going. i find however that there is life outside the church which gives the same if not more support. groups or clubs e.g soccer, fishing, knitting , book club, whatever you fancy, are all great sources of support and friendships if worked at.

give yourself permission to take a week or two of 'me time' step away from your routine and do things you have been wanting to do for ages, a walk through the park, paint the front door, visit an old non druggie friend, catch a movie etc, you will find the change as good as a vacation.

be kind to yourself you are worth it and have every right to take 'me time ' to catch up and reassess your situation.

Take care because we care about you x

[avlady]

I also care about you. I am schitzoaffective get the same type of thoughts, but if you talk about it in your head you can beat the noises and or voices by concentraating on a quiet place and doing breathing exercizes and saying to yourself you deserve to be here it can be fun and worthwhile. i also have depression really bad, take your meds if you take any as they can be a valuable "tool" in getting better.

[RunningEagleRuns]

Originally Posted by MudCrab

Hello, RunningEagleRuns. What does your treatment team say?

Well the meds arent doing enough.. the voices say they are god

And that makes them very hard to treat

[Leed]

Dear, those voices are LYING to you! Jesus would NEVER ask you or try to kick you out of your church! And how do you know that you can't do what He wants you to do? All He asks us to do is to be faithful, and not to sin. I have a feeling you're already doing that.

The DEVIL is trying to make you take drugs again. DON'T DO IT. And suicide is also the devil talking. Plus it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. So please don't even think about that. We'll be here to help and so will your therapist.

God bless you my friend. Big hugs, Lee

[MudCrab]

Hello again, RunningEagleRuns. Does your treatment team know the meds are not doing enough?

You are in my thoughts.

[Nevnim]

I tried for years to get myself together, it was a lot of work and had only temporary results. Permanent results only happened when I stopped running from my feelings. I allowed myself to be engulfed by everything I felt without resistance. I fell into the black hole of nothingness, and then it vanished and never came back. The instant an emotion is felt completely it no longer has any reason to stick around. But until then it'll never give up.

[RunningEagleRuns]

Thanks Leed.

They sort of know they are not doing enough. But the voices blame me because they act like God... it makes them very hard to effectively treat. I guess I'll tell my doctor they arent doing enough.

[leona.mccauley]

Hey RunningEagleRuns, I would advocate on what Leed and Yellowte said. You should consider giving yourself sometime and be positive.

[Thunder Bow]

Anger is Anger. Best to do what you like to do instead of following orders from god and others.

[RunningEagleRuns]

suicide isnt the answer.. duh. but sometimes it seems like the way out... in need of help :/

[shlump]

DO you have a friend you can call?

Would someone meet you at the ER? Do you have an emergency contact the hosp staff can get in touch with if you go there?



Please get the help you need.

[RunningEagleRuns]

Originally Posted by shlump

DO you have a friend you can call?

Would someone meet you at the ER? Do you have an emergency contact the hosp staff can get in touch with if you go there?



Please get the help you need.

im not going to the hospital. those places suck. ill get through it. i have my dad to talk to. thanks for caring.

[Thunder Bow]

Originally Posted by RunningEagleRuns

im not going to the hospital. those places suck. ill get through it. i have my dad to talk to. thanks for caring.

I agree, they make you wait hours if not days, for most mental issues. Then all they do is give you a refferal after dispensing meds. An ER is a horrible place to be if you are feeling depressed, and should be used only as an last resort!

[RunningEagleRuns]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

I agree, they make you wait hours if not days, for most mental issues. Then all they do is give you a refferal after dispensing meds. An ER is a horrible place to be if you are feeling depressed, and should be used only as an last resort!

the truth =]