[Hellion]

This is sort of a long post and a bit of a rant anyways, I had an appointment with a psychiatrist today and she seemed like an ok person and all but it didn't seem very helpful. First she asked a lot of questions which I am fine with but I felt like I could hardly answer before she went on to the next thing. I was honest about everything but it was kind of frusterating, I was honest that I smoke cannabis and she didn't even ask about why or how it effects me just straight up said I 'need' to quit so I said I likely was not going to walk out of there and never smoke again...because it's true but I'd be open to cutting down though she didn't even ask how much I smoked it.

I don't know it just bothered me how she went about that, not that it was totally unexpected but it was just frusterating that she hardly seemed to listen to a thing I said and then wanted me to just do as she says. Then she seemed to be pressuring me to try the effexor the last psychiatrist I saw prescribed but I was afraid to try it due to experiances I've had with quite a few other psych meds...not comfortable subjecting myself to that just yet and maybe never would be. But then she even tried saying if I really wanted to get better I would try it, so I said I didn't quite see it that way because I have legitimate reasons to be careful what drugs I ingest I just feel a bit angry I felt like I had to defend my reasons.

My therapist is ok but not so sure what I think of this psychiatrist...I mean I don't think not trying the effexor because I am afraid of side effects and/or another trip to the psych ward means I don't want to get 'better' and I don't know how she defines better....but I am pretty sure an anti-depressant even if it did do what it was supposed to wouldn't fix all my problems and mental health. Not to mention I have been doing my best to try and eat and shower enough, get up and out of my room and at least go outside a bit, just filled out more SSI paperwork and called to figure out some college loan crap and have been looking into herbal remedies and a more natural approach to my mental health so is not like I am sitting around refusing to do anything to better myself or my situation...and I don't like the implication that if I don't want to do it their way I don't 'want' any improvement in life.

Its also confusing and irritating to me when they tell you not to drink or use any drugs then they try to push drugs on you even if you've reacted badly to simular drugs. I don't think she has bad intentions its just more of the same of the general way mental health is treated. People don't say you should try every kind of alcohol to determine if you like it or not...if someone doesn't like alcohol based on having a mixed drink they probably wouldn't like someone telling them they should just try a beer, or a different mixed drink or this or that. Anyways it just seemed really rushed, stressful and demanding without much effort on the psychiatrists part to really try and understand how I feel and what struggles i have.

I don't want to fry my brain with psych meds before I even determine what I want in life or at least what direction I'd like to go in. Its like alice in wonderland except my names not alice and this is the real world not a dream. I guess I'll talk to the therapist about it, but yeah if someone comes off too pushy I tend to retreat if Its not ideal to do so physically than I do mentally....and that is kind of what I feel happened. I hope I didn't seem too rude or anything but I know I was feeling defensive.

[wishingtobegentle]

is this just one of those doctors that is for only there for regulation of medications? because that might be the reason for the way he/she was questioning you. i've had this before, definitely, and the same impersonal feeling, the same frustration.

hang in there!

[Hellion]

I am not entirely sure why I saw her, she asked me like twice what the appointment was for or whatever, and I wanted to say 'well I'm wondering the same thing.' I didn't set up the appointment. I saw a different psychiatrist a couple times and got switched to this one so I figured she knew more than me about it. I have another appointment in 3 months and she said I can come in before that if I have any issues or want to attempt a medication.

I just feel even more confused though, I thought psychiatrists were supposed to be more heavily educated on how to treat mentally ill people first off and claiming I don't want to get better if I'm not willing to take whatever medication they throw at me doesn't give me that impression...I am not exactly mad(in the angry sense) I more found it funny because thats like the most obvious form of manipulation in existance. Either that or she was testing whether I could see through manipulation or not without telling me. Of couse I didn't want to be rude so I didn't want to be super blunt or laugh though I was probably rather blunt because I am sick of getting nowhere with these people. I just hate feeling like I know 10x more than the professionals I try to get help from. I am starting to get into the 'if something needs done I better do it myself.' mode but if I give into that too much I'll likely screw up the SSI process and end up jobless and needing to apply again so I have to deal with the mental health professionals and system and all that.

It's frusterating though, makes me want to say screw all this and go live in the forest or something, just not sure I could survive that way...I'd settle for a part time job and a cheap apartment on a semi-quiet street but there's that whole not being able to function in a conventional job setting issue. Jobs laid back enough for me to function in are scarce. But yeah I am finally close to finding out if I will get on SSI or need to appeal a denial and this whole thing is just another excuse to just give up on that again between this and all the stigma and assumptions your just lazy if you apply for it makes it hard not to. Then again apparently I am 'intelligent' and some people have it in their head that somehow makes up for mental health issues hopefully those arent the sort of people who decide on the SSI.

As for the drug thing....well I've done a lot of things phamacutical and not so its not that I am opposed to drugs that would actually help me, its just a matter of anti-depressants and klonopin(that was fun...not) don't seem to be it. Though I am taking trazodone, which she increased the dose of that one I don't mind it does help with sleep and mellows the anxiety some. It apparently can be considered an anti-depressant to but it certainly does not cause that crap the others do so not sure why id need an anti-depressant on top of that anyways. Not to mention I think I have reason to be cautious after what happened with the wellbutrin luckily it didn't make me too terribly anxious it increased it but what was more bothersome was lack of coordination and stiff movements, mouth soreness from grinding my teeth and the fact that nothing would stop moving such as the walls, ground or any surface I looked at. Too long on that and I would have been back in the psych ward for wellbutrin induced psychosis.

[wishingtobegentle]

yeah, it could have been one of these doctors a local county will have whose main job is to regulate medications. i had the same experience where i was only told i was going in to see a psychiatrist and didn't know what it was for!
same exact experience (if that's what's happening in your case).

[Hellion]

Yeah that could be the case, it would kind of make sense.

[Open Eyes]

In my experience with psychiatrists, they specialize in "drug treatment" so that is basically what they will respond to patients with "here is a drug to try". And yes, it is not unusual to have a psychiatrist be short, quick, and matter of fact. Unless they also do therapy.

I have read some articles that have said there is no "real" proof that antidepressants actually "work". I saw a special a couple of years back on 60 minutes or 20/20 about the question if they really work too. I honestly don't know what to believe. What I "do" know is the antidepressants are "big money makers".

I don't take any drugs myself, I don't want to be an "experiment" tbh.

[Hellion]

Hmm I suppose that makes sense, just seems so lacking...but I think its more a reflection of the state of mental health treatment and health treatment in general in this country so I don't really blame the psychiatrist it was just kind of disappointing.

As for drugs if it helps me great, if I enjoy the effects then yeah I might indulge....but if it makes things worse or the side effects aren't worth the benefits I don't want anything to do with it. I am also trying to figure out how to maybe get medically approved for medical marijuana, but from my understanding its easier for physical problems but I have heard of a number of people getting it in my state for psychological issues to...So I guess with me its a matter of what the drug is and what it does to me whether I want to take it or not.

Even when I've tried non prescription drugs I look into all the information I can find first to make sure I am as safe as possible about it......so of course I am not going to just blindly take some psych med they recommend. To me drugs are drugs they have some practical and/or medicinal uses, are not a good idea in excess and can have negative side effects.

[astenon]

I don't know about 'proof' but from my experience of my flatmate who suffers from depression, I believe they do work. She described it as "they don't fix the problem, but they do take the edge off the pain, allowing me to function a bit better".

Just because she feels better though doesn't mean they'll work for you.

Best of luck

[Hellion]

Well I am glad they work for some people, I know some get benefits from them...but they tend to be too stimulating for me. I seem to more need something that relaxes me not something to stimulate me further which is what anti depressants seem to do. So basically I need less not more imput in my brain.

maybe that is why I tend to really like 'depressant' drugs and/or relaxing herbs since they essentially slow the CNS system down so I can relax and not be all on edge and such. Unfortunatly I have no idea how to do that without taking drugs that cause that effect.