[nervousheart]

I am fairly new here.. Just joined actually. And am having issues with my past. Nightmares keep popping up about past traumatic events I have endured. I do not feel ready to talk to my T about specific events but feel like I could here due to being annonymous. I am so afraid of EVERYTHING lately and feel quite paranoid.. Like people are watching me through windows or wanting to kill me.. I don't feel suicidal or want to die, I just feel so nervous and paranoid of other people all the time.. Like somebody wants to harm me I have endured a few sexual assaults as well as abusive BF relationships and have a real hard time trusting people.. especially in real life.

[JayJay2]

Originally Posted by nervousheart

I am fairly new here.. Just joined actually. And am having issues with my past. Nightmares keep popping up about past traumatic events I have endured. I do not feel ready to talk to my T about specific events but feel like I could here due to being annonymous. I am so afraid of EVERYTHING lately and feel quite paranoid.. Like people are watching me through windows or wanting to kill me.. I don't feel suicidal or want to die, I just feel so nervous and paranoid of other people all the time.. Like somebody wants to harm me I have endured a few sexual assaults as well as abusive BF relationships and have a real hard time trusting people.. especially in real life.

Sorry to hear what you are going through, I do know how bad it can be with PTSD as I have it too.
There are things that I still can't talk about as the trauma is too great and my mind blocks events and yet the memories come back through nightmares and flashbacks.
I have the general fearf of everything and I think what you describe as being paranoid is actually hypervigilance, which means your mind is reacting to everything in an extreme way because of the trauma and making you feel unsafe, usually people with real paranoia don't know that they are paranoid and people with PTSD think they are paranoid when they are suffering a reaction to traumatic events.
It is difficult to know what to say as I am still going through the same experiences but I hope that things get better and I am glad that you chose this site as it is a very supportive and safe place for help, there are no trolls or nasties here, everyone is safe and helpful.

[shezbut]

Gentle hugs to you, nervousheart.

Developing trust of strangers takes some time. It can be hard to let our guards down and share intimate thoughts & emotions with others. Imo, however, a real benefit of this website is that we all have experience with traumas. Almost all members are open-minded and very supportive of one another...sharing our experiences and techniques to help others get through things more easily and at least feel emotionally supported.

I suffer PTSD as well, I can relate to how overwhelming and disturbing the symptoms can be day & night, making life darn miserable! It is very hard. Very gentle hugs to you. Don't forget ~ you aren't alone. For me, knowing that brings me a sense of relief. I hope that it does the same thing for you!