It seems like the ones who make people suffer never get their reward but the ones who don't don't get anything in return. You try to be the good guy but no one seems to notice you. YOu try to be the bad guy in a situation, everybody yells boo at you. Yet with others, things are slightly different. They do a lot of bad things to you and people are alwyas on their side, having their backs. Life isn't fair. Wish I had someone who can side with me when I'm right, for once. I have to fend for myself. Maybe it's something that I did in the past, but I don't think that I should be punished for it, since I've had to deal with it for so long. I am not going to forget. One time I basically told a lie that this teacher hit me so that I could transfer out of her classes. I never liked her a bit. she always yelled at me and she often intimidated and she made jokes about it. I hated it and I cried a couple of times. Oh and in fifth grade this one guy he just happened to be a teacher that I detested. I never liked him because of the rumors I heard about him and gosh, you should see the things he used to do. He would make a mess of people's hair and people still liked him. If I were to do the same, I would have gotten suspended or something. Nobody ratted him out and I was young and didn't want to report issues like that to anybody because I was like everybody's enemy. I hated these two teachers and I cried a lot because of them. They ought to take some responsibilities for their actions, and they ought to be the ones to know better not to listen to others about who I was. Once in kindergarten I was accused of stealing crayons from the class, and as a shy boy in kindergarten who didn't talk with anybody, people would sometimes purposely stuff crayons into my backpack without my knowing it. I told my mother and she told my teacher and the teacher still didn't believe in. Now that I'm at it, I want to go far back to when I was younger. When I was in pre-school, my mother would get calls from this teacher who basically complained about my peeing in my pants and my mother listening would get sick of it. She was friends with my third grade teacher and I believe that she told her everything about me. I hated these people. I'm so glad that that school is falling apart. I once told myself that anyone who dares to curse me was going to be in a much miserable situation than I was going through.

[optimize990h]

Hello heyitsme7! I hope you got a lot out and are feeling better. Sorry I did not respond earlier. Just let you know I read what you wrote and it matters. Take care.

[IowaFarmGal]

Hi heyitsme7! I hope it did help getting that out. I still have bad memories of school after all these years. I used to wonder why people that hated kids became teachers. Maybe it was a fall back position because they couldn't succeed in what they wanted to do so they took it out on the kids. Pulling hair and banging kids head into their desks. Some people ideas of discipline were kind of twisted.

[Open Eyes]

((heyitsme7)),

I am sorry you had these challenges with teachers in your past, my T told me that often children have a really hard time in childhood. I had some bad experiences with teachers myself, some of them can actually be "bullies" with children. It certainly isn't because they are "intelligent", if they were, they would actually know how to better, more effectively treat children in "meaningful and inspiring ways".

Please don't carry all this "anger" for the rest of your life, recognize that these people were not "qualified" to be "good teachers" and make it a point to be the best that "you" can be as a person "inspite" of them. Put your brain to work towards "positives" instead of wasting it on the negetives that others put in front of you. There are some amazing books written by people who learned to do just that. Life is a challenge, choose to be good inspite of the bad, there will always be bad out there, so choose to see it and gravitate to the good and productive instead.

(((Hugs)))

these people have made me cry on numerous occasions and the fact that they haven't hit rock bottom yet is pissing me off. One time I accused one of them of doing something that they didn't and now I feel like I'm experiencing all the consequences of my actions. People do crazy **** to me and expect to be forgiven or have their deeds forgotten. But it's not okay with me because they need to learn to take some responsibilities for their own actions. they need to know that what they do can affect a person. let's say someone killed themselves because of all the rejection that they had to deal with. Whose fault is that? certainly not the victim, but the one who had been hurting him/her. this person deserves punishment.

[bodd12]

Sorry your huting, I know what it's like to have a hurting heart.

because of that, I have shut myself up in my room all day and the only time I ever go out is when I have school. When I'm at school, there are some people who are nice and some people who are total jerks. they don't know what I have been going through. It's not like If I told them my experiences they would care. they are just so heartless. I am in constant pain. I keep going back to the past. Now I'm in my room and sometimes I find myself watching some inappropriate stuff online and nobody knows all because I'm bored and I just have no life. NObody ever takes me out and my cousins are all married. I'm just an only child always looking for companion. Today I got so mad at myself for relapsing that I decided to just cut myself. I wanted to cut myself because I am hurting so badly. NObody cares about me at all. My parents don't love me. all they ever do is feed me and that's it. They never spend quality time with me and they're always at work. And i'm left alone all the time and when they're not around I watch porn. That's a sad fact. There's a history of mental disorder in my family i think because for three generations we have been arguing all the time. every marriage seemed to be on the verge of dying but it always survives leaving one person behind. it's so sad to know that I have to live. I wish I can cut all these ties that bind me. I feel like there's a contract that binds me to my parents until I'm 18. I want to be loosed from their control. If I were 18, I'd be doing therapy with a counselor at school. Since I went to therapy and the counselor didn't do anything but have talks with me about bullying, I decided I should just quit plus my mother didn't like it when I started telling the counselor that she used to hit me with a flyswatter. I'll never forget those moments and ever since those times I have not given her the same respect. She wants to know why I hate her. I hate her simply because of that. She hit me and she made me cry and as I'm crying, she kept on yelling. I was traumatized and had nobody to rescue me. The neighbors wanted the landlord to evict us because of the noise that we've been constantly making. They simply could not stand it. I hated it. I didn't want to be in the house and I also don't like the one that I'm living in. I feel like the minute we got this house, the minu te I became addicted to porn and masturbation. Maybe the former owners in this house probably committed these abominable acts. I have not told anybody about this yet and the more I do them, the more ashamed I am. I can't quit without getting rid of my computer. I wish I had a hammer so I could just smash my computer but of course it does not belong to me so I can't do anything about it. I wish we could have the other wall jacks working again so that I could leave my computer in there and not have to be in my room. Feels like a punishment coming from someone above sometimes. For the things that I have been doing. When people hurt me, they don't receive the same punishment so why should I? I'd like to see my tormentor suffer before my eyes. there's this one guy who told me that he was going to be more successful than me and that I would be homeless. Well we'll just see.I hate him. I will never forget those words. I hope someone can knock some sense into that guy.

when I'm angry I feel like throwing things at the wall just to get rid of the pain.

of course i have not always been innocent. I used to start a lot of drama at home when I was a little boy. People probably heard and decide to mistreat me. They didn't want to be around an argumentative, attention-seeking young man. I'm partially guilty and partially innocent. Everything comes back to haunt you when you least expect it. Even committing theft is unforgivable. like stealing your 7th grade instructor's dictionary and never returning it and while using it i ripped all the pages out and never told him about it. I felt like all the things that I need are now coming back to get me.

[optimize990h]

Hello, heyitsme7. You have been posting so that is good.

I am sorry you don't have a counsellor to give you support in real life. It sounds like there's no way to get counsellor according to what you have described. Do you have community mental health in your area?

Is there any way you could access a service at school to help you find resources for you to work out your situation?

And if you need to, just vent here at PC.

Take care.

oh yes i do at my school but not until i'm 18 because i have already done therapy before and it did not work. I guess I'll have to wait in a year because that's when I officially become an adult. I need to talk to someone about all my issues. Get the junk out of my system and feel better!

[slopatient]

You are absolutely right heyitsme