[Atuin]

My boyfriend's mom called me abusive.

She also told me that I was allowed to stay in the house, while telling my parents that if they didn't come and pick me up that she'd file a domestic violence report.

And she told me that it would be short term, when my parents and her knew that it would long term, that I'd not move back in there ever again.

I was overly obsessed with doing everything right for my boyfriend. I still am. Possibly more so. To the point where its unhealthy for me. I was trying to use therapy to start to actually do things for myself for a change instead of never putting myself first.

There's no way anything I did was abusive unless not being able to handle living in a toxic environment, with people treating you like you were unimportant, and doing the best you can, and failing is being abusive; unless trying to not hate yourself, and trying to protect others is abusive; unless overworking yourself to take care of others because other people in the house wouldn't do things even when it made you have physical issues is abusive; when warning when you were reaching your breaking point and saying for a few days that you were going to break and to get away because you didn't want to hurt him...

But no, abusive. By someone who knew that you'd been emotionally abused before.

I can't even make my own tea. I can't even go back to the house to get my stuff.

Everything hurts.

Someone I've been talking to since then has suggested at some of my worst points I need to watch out to make sure I don't need hospitalization over this.

[unaluna]

It's unclear from your post exactly what happened. Maybe that was on purpose. But being vague, not being specific, also makes it easy not to be rejected, because you never really come out and ask for anything. It becomes manipulative, and can become abusive, and was how I was raised, afraid to ask for anything, afraid to be a bother. Then you just want to take care of the other person and show them everything is okay. But it's not normal to be that unselfish and you crack. And end up here.

[Atuin]

I didn't realize I wasn't specific enough.

I'm autistic - passive subtype. So I'm incredibly passive, have always been. I do not understand how to initiate things. I can interact with people when they initiate things, but I do not know how to initiate, and do not think to initiate.

Along with this, I also am very much "follow the rules", this includes "do not do anything that can possibly hurt others", to the point where I will not act if it could hurt someone else unless I know that not acting will at which point I can get into such a mental overload by not knowing what to do that I will likely do something to not hurt them but lose functioning in the process.

I've been trying to learn to put myself first sometimes but its unnatural to me. It's something I'm getting better at though.

I was living in a situation where people were completely ignoring my mental health and were doing things that were bad for it. I was having people explicitly worrying about the mental health of others around me at the expense of mine, while telling me how much they cared about me and what they were doing for me. I had people forgetting about my existence to the point where I missed multiple meals in a row when people had promised to help me get food, had people telling me how I was hurting people in ways that I wasn't (because they were accusing me of doing things I never did from false memories while denying things that others were doing to me), and generally it was a terrible situation.

I needed to get out, and I was breaking badly.

We knew it was a bad situation for me, the goal was to get an apartment as soon as we could that would get rid of that situation.

Instead, I broke. I couldn't take it all. All of my autistic symptoms were getting worse. All of my depression symptoms were getting worse. I snapped.

And I was called abusive for having a meltdown (verbal only), when I'm autistic. And have meltdowns. And when people know I'm autistic.

The accusation of being abusive, even though I know its false, has completely shut me down. I'm not functioning at all.

And then what happened after - it was thing after thing of being told one thing while the people who were planning it had other information. I was majorly manipulated by the person who called me abusive. If I had gotten accurate information everything would have happened completely different, and they know that, so instead they lied to me and manipulated me until they had me vulnerable enough to agree to what they wanted.

And this is someone who is saying that I'm abusive because of being autistic and having meltdowns after having been treated like scum for months while putting far more effort into daily life than most people realize, including anyone who I interact with on any sort of regular basis.