Learning how to forget things is the most important step to recovery, because that way I won't be holding on to so much hurt in the past. I have always wanted to remain calm and collected in all situations but things just sometimes don't work out that way. I hate when that happens. I want to not be angry anymore at all. what can I do?

[lizardlady]

Originally Posted by heyitsme7

Learning how to forget things is the most important step to recovery, because that way I won't be holding on to so much hurt in the past. I have always wanted to remain calm and collected in all situations but things just sometimes don't work out that way. I hate when that happens. I want to not be angry anymore at all. what can I do?

Heyitsme, I believe forgetting and letting go are two different things. To me forgetting means wiping out a memory. Letting go means I've decided to find a way to move on from what happened. My T once told me I needed to "forgive and forget" my abuse. I told him I might let it go and move on, but no way was I going to forget because I could end up putting myself in a position to be abused again.

IMHO, it's unrealistic to expect to never be angry again. Anger is an emotion, like any other emotion. Would you never want to be happy again? What about your anger bothers you? That would be what I'd focus on.

but first you need to forget it so that you will see that person(the injurer) as a completely different person. that way when you run into him/her again, you won't be making faces like I would when I see them.

[lizardlady]

I guess I have to agree to disagree. I would not want to forget. I would want to bear in mind that this person hurt me before to be able to protect myself. That doesn't mean I have to make faces at them, but I need to keep in mind this person is capable of hurting me.

Yeah that's true. but i hate to be the one to just keep staring at them in disgust every time they stroll by me. after all, i should just forgive and do away with it. then again, if you forgive too easily, people will take advantage of that, and if you don't, you are hurting yourself because you are constantly trying to pit yourself against them and you often see them as enemies of yours trying to prod on you and you don't want that. you want to see people as if they are not against you but for you.

i think i need to give my brain a rest. as soon as i start talking about my problems, it becomes heavy. my whole head is starting to get overloaded.

[Thunder Bow]

Being calm and collected in ALL situations is abnormal.

i already have enough answers. thanks for your time.