Why?

I have an average life. Good friends, a good family, and all of that. So why am i so alone? You know in the stories where the character says there chest aches? I didn't know that was even possible. It hurts. I feel like crying all the time, but can't bring myself to do it. Stupid right?
I am socially awkward. I can't think of anything to say. I can't join in a conversation. I'm left out by my friends because of this. I can't do anything right outside of class. What's wrong with me? Why am I so... weird?

Hi deviantmoon ,
It sounds to me like you are very anxious and maybe social anxiety is what is preventing you to be in a conversation ,Have you been diagnosed with anything ?
There are a lot of things that it could be but only a professional can evaluate and offer you some answer's . I have social anxiety and it can be part of a lot of mental health problems but I would definaley try seek a good counsellor and talk about how your feeling hun X
Wish I could give you a better answer but I am not a professional and you DO need to see one .
Good Luck (((hugs)))

Most of our behavior is taught/learned and can relate to our dispositions/feelings too and what mix we give to our emotions and thoughts to create our actions.

Long story, short; you have not had much practice interacting with others so you are awkward with it; parents can be too busy or not know themselves how to interact well with others, how to teach it, or even just know they need to teach it so we have the added burden of having to figure out how to learn on our own. Having to learn on our own can be lonely in itself but can be made even more difficult by our emotions/fears.

If I were you, I'd watch people you admire for a bit and see what they do and then do an experiment where you "copy" what they do. If you would like to try something, you let others who are doing it know. Sure you may be bad at it at first but everyone is until they learn. Other kids our age are not that much more experienced than we are, some might have more social natures so it's not as hard to approach another but the amount of experience can not be that much greater. Too, there are other kids out there like ourselves, we're not the only "shy" people. Look and identify the others that are hanging out. Getting to know another "wall flower" and then deciding to try stuff together can be helpful. Join a club and just sit through a couple meetings until you get more comfortable about how it "works" and then you can add a comment or two to the discussion, kind of like a regular class but the club will be something that interests you or that you know you know a bit about so will help you be a bit braver.

Make a plan of what you wish you knew how to do and ways to learn it. I was afraid of public speaking so took classes in it and deliberately got included in panel discussions and as an officer of a club, etc. Go toward what frightens you instead of shying away. It's like dreams, you have to confront the monster, not run from him.

You are weird because you are smart. Do those conversations hold your interest? or are they boring?

Hi Deviantmoon ~ I may be wrong, but it sounds to me like you're quite depressed. When you're in a room full of people, do you still feel alone? Do you feel better when you're alone, by yourself? You say you feel like crying most of the time? That, to me, sounds just like I did and I was severely depressed.

If I were you, I would ask my doctor to refer me to a good therapist. Please believe me that therapy CAN help with depression! I've been thru therapy and it helped me immensely!

I have suffered depression since I was a smalll child. I didn't get treatment til I was in my 20's when I entered therapy and I really felt so much better. I did have to spend some time in a mental hospital, but that's not the usual case -- I was near the edge. I have "clinical depression" which is, as I understand it, when the brain is lacking the chemicals that are needed to keep the moods stable, so I have to be on an antidepressant all the time. I'll need to take one the rest of my life.

So please talk with your doctor and have him refer you to a therapist. You wont' regret it. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee