Unable to physically express 'love'...

I'm in my early 20s, I've only been on one (unofficial) date (in my whole life) and I fear I might have a problem. Whenever I get close to any physical contact that expresses 'love' I just either freeze up/ don't know how to react / behave awkwardly. I was brought up in an dysfunctional unloving family and we weren't exactly open about our (happy) feelings to one another. I went on this one 'unofficial' date where I really felt that I clicked with the guy and by the end of the night he kissed me on the cheek before I left to get on the bus home. Well after he kissed me, I basically just jumped on the bus without a word, not even looking at him or saying good night or anything...

Other than this though I also feel awkward to even hug my close friends. Sure I put my arms around them but I just feel quite socially awkward about it and my best friend did confess that I give awkward hugs. Overall I guess I'm just scared to get close to people in the fear of getting hurt. But then on the other hand, I'm already close to my friends so I'm not sure why I can't hug them properly...

I don't know why I am this way or how to overcome it, can anyone offer me some advice? Thanks in advance.

Hi dear Vampire girl ~ Bless your heart. How can you be expected to give something that you dont have? You weren't given it as a child -- and now you're expected to give it as an adult! It's very difficult!

As far as your CLOSE friends, just TELL them. Since they told YOU that you give awkward hugs, explain that you weren't given affection as a child, and you find it very difficult to be on the giving end of affection. Honesty is the best, and perhaps they can even let you "practice" on them. lol Why not?

And with potential relationships, this will come. You don't have to stress out or worry about it. If you feel awkward about it, just ask them to please go slow -- that you don't want to hurry any relationship and you don't want to get hurt. Of COURSE any guy will TELL you that he won't hurt you -- but we all know how that is. Just take it slowly, and let the chips fall where they may. But don't rush anything.

If you are REALLY stressed out, why not enter therapy? Perhaps you have a social avoidance personality and need some assistance? There's no shame in that -- all of us have needed help of some sort. So have your doctor refer you to a good therapist -- he would know who to send you to. I wish you the very best, my friend. Please let us know how you're doing -- but keep posting! God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

Welcome to PC, vampire_girl, and just so you know, you are definitely not alone in this. I had the same problem most of my life. People touching me made my skin crawl, yet deep inside me (or not even so deep; just had to scratch the surface, really) I was lonely as hell and couldn't shake it. I just wanted to be loved, wanted to feel what that felt like, but always thought I was defective somehow.
In my 20s I caved. I just got so tired of it. I had physical contact with people - a lot of people, you might say - and I was addicted to it, but it was all meaningless. I'd never see them again. And I never got hugs or anything from my friends or the people I hung out with, and certainly not my family.
Now I give and receive hugs all the time. I'm in a very physically affectionate relationship with my partner. I still am surprised when people want to touch me; I still feel defective somehow. But it's slowly changing. It's not as bad as it used to be. I hope that some day I will be able to not have to question my partner silently when she says that she loves me, loves my body, etc., not always be wondering if it's all a lie and she's just telling me what I want to hear. I still freeze and get awkward when I'm giving and receiving hugs with people close to me. But it's kind of like receiving compliments with a thank you: I do it because I know I have to 'fake it til I make it' so that I really will be used to it one day.
I wish you all the best. I look forward to seeing you around the forums.

I was not hugged as a child and grew up in an unhappy household. It feels unnatural to me to hug, like juggling is weird (I can't juggle, either). Practice makes perfect though, so you can keep on hugging if you have someone to hug; and as for the kiss, you could have turned and kissed your date on the cheek, too.

You need to get out of your barrier. I face similar emotions, specially in public.

What you feel is Normal. You will out grow this over time.

I just want to comment on the situation, without touching on the whole subject - I do not have experience with the subject as a whole.

Situationally, it was not inappropriate to do what you did. The guy might have attributed your jumping on the bus to some awkwardness and even, possibly, to his good luck with you - oftentimes we act in an awkward manner precisely when we LIKE the person. Especially given your tender age, he does not necessarily expect you to know the social graces.

However, to the extent that you are concerned that he might have interpreted your jumping on the bus in a way that was unfavorable to him, this can easily be remedied by sending a nice short written communication to lift his spirits. I would advise you to follow up with a nice short written communication anyway, SHORT of course, just in case he might have been a bit disappointed by your reaction.

This is a practical, situational problem that has an immediate practical solution, which you can execute without waiting for the resolution of the big problem - the inability to physically express love.