[Anonymous32445]

I moan on and on about a part of life that I dislike, I blow it out of proportion. I say things that I would rather kill myself if I knew I could never change. And I say these for attention, to get people to feel sorry for me, so they can sympathize with me. I have never had a loving or close relationship with anyone or anything. I do it also in the hope of gaining advice, but I never take this advice on board, I complain so much more whatever anyone says in the hope that I can "win" the argument with them if they confront or question me online in regards to what I say. I do it on purpose, to wear them down, in the then when I don't get advice. I do it over and over again, I ignore everything the say and the complain when I wear them down. I try it on with others. I don't take the advice, constantly whining on here. I don't expect to change anytime soon. I shouldn't complain, because I do nothing about the situation, but then again I do because there's nothing else to do. It's like I'm doing all of this on purpose, to annoy, or make people angry.

That's refreshingly honest. Can you use those insights constructively?

[Cocosurviving]

I encourage you to have a psych eval
from a license psychtherapist
Join a support group
Seek a therapist

Stay strong

[Evil Schnoodle]

Originally Posted by Dark_Soldier.750

I moan on and on about a part of life that I dislike, I blow it out of proportion. I say things that I would rather kill myself if I knew I could never change. And I say these for attention, to get people to feel sorry for me, so they can sympathize with me. I have never had a loving or close relationship with anyone or anything. I do it also in the hope of gaining advice, but I never take this advice on board, I complain so much more whatever anyone says in the hope that I can "win" the argument with them if they confront or question me online in regards to what I say. I do it on purpose, to wear them down, in the then when I don't get advice. I do it over and over again, I ignore everything the say and the complain when I wear them down. I try it on with others. I don't take the advice, constantly whining on here. I don't expect to change anytime soon. I shouldn't complain, because I do nothing about the situation, but then again I do because there's nothing else to do. It's like I'm doing all of this on purpose, to annoy, or make people angry.

I recognize some of these patterns in myself...except I would say that I don't do these things intentionally. Procrastinating, seeking advice from multiple people then doing what was already doing in the first place, feeling like I need to 'win', believing I can never change.....I know these things like the back of my hand. But , for me, I've learned that it is because of many reasons, like feeling afraid, unsure, ambivalent, and powerless. The ambivalence is HUGE - wanting to change but also not wanting to at the same time. Keeps me comfortable in my own 'stuckness'.

Here is a a quote you might find interesting. I wish you well....

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." Anais Nin

[cool09]

It's like I'm doing all of this on purpose, to annoy, or make people angry.

You are doing it on purpose. It's all a part of life. The World is a Stage and life is a drama whether you or I like it or not. All of us are forced to say or do things that are contradictory to the way we feel but lots of times we say or do things because we need attention or we need something else. And I'm not saying that everyone should have a free ticket to lie or complain or whatever to get what they need.

(ie. Don't feel that guilty about it unless you're always purposely relying on it and/or going over-the-top. And I know that this is a very real problem with some Personality Disorders if you read up on them.)

Alan Watts (Professor, Eastern Philosopher, Lecturer) explains this exactly in his lectures: How modern Western life is a drama whether you like it or not and it results in your "true self" (your real emotions and actions) being suppressed/repressed. It does this by way of myths, religion, laws, contradictions, etc. that are handed down to us. And consequently, you're forced to decide what to do about this predicament. Check him out on youtube. Excellent and sobering and precise speaker.

"The Nature Of Consciousness" (

)
- "One of our major problems of today is to find an adequate, satisfying image of the World....I'll go further than that and say how we can get our sensations and our feelings in accordance with the most sensible image of the World that we can manage to conceive.)

The Hindu religion is based on the fact that life is a drama and ends up killing the "true self".

I've felt for years that it almost seems that to get PDOCs to believe what you tell them about what you feel/experience is by doing something drastic that is out-of-character just in order to get them to listen and to get better treatment. Sometimes I'm almost convinced that they need to see that in order to believe what you tell them. (I've never done that because that's too much like "crying wolf" for me.)

[stefanjmorey]

Excellent and sobering insight

_____________________

[spondiferous]

I totally do this too.
I used to be much worse. In fact, I used to exhaust people. The only people I could keep in my life were the people I was partying with (back when I was still drinking and using).
I find I still slip into this today, but thankfully I don't stay there. I recognize the futility of it, as, based on your own post, I'm sure you do too. It is self-defeating, self-sabotaging, and when I find myself doing it (whether internally with myself, or externally with others) I get to a point where I just have to shut it down, because I don't want to be that person anymore. It hurts other people as much as it hurts me, and I now have that awareness.
You're right in stating it's an attention-seeking behavior. And I believe that once you learn to get your needs met in other (healthier, more direct) ways, this form of communication won't seem so easy for you to turn to, because we get a lot further in life if we're able to ask for what we need and treat people with respect, ourselves included.
If you have enough insight and awareness into this to post this thread, I suspect you're well on your way.