[Jenny29]

I am a relatively new mother to a beautiful baby boy, he will be 6mths Sunday. Tonight was my official first meltdown in front of him, his teething and had been crying all evening and for some reason wouldnt really nap at all so I was trying to get housework done and also my dinner made, his father was not home.

Anyways he was crying and crying and I basically told him to shut the F up and i put my two hands on his head like holding his head and said what is wrong with you, he looked distressed because he could see my reaction and I also kicked the dog who had been barking ALL night long out of my way very gently I didnt hurt him, both of them were looking at me in shock baby and doggy, when my husband came in he was all like awww poor baby which pissed me off even more, my son kept looking over at me to see if I was okay while i was on the couch with my hands on my head..

From the moment he was born we had the most amazing connection but in the last two weeks I just dont feel as madly in love with him as I was at the start and that really worries me, I get anxious anyways so if I dont feel a certain way all the time I really worry and beat myself up, I get no break really other then when my husband takes him, my own family arent living close and his sisters work fulltime so i hate asking them to take my son, and even when i do get a break I want to get back to him but I know from tonight I seriously need some timeout!! I feel so crap right now :-(

[hannabee]

Please don't be so hard on yourself!!! My daughter has a 3 month old and he has been crying since day one...a very difficult baby and it is really hard on a new, first time Mom. Take a break, take a bubble bath, go for a walk and please try to arrange some time for yourself tomorrow. You deserve it!

[Jenny29]

Hi Hanna,
I really feel for mothers who have babies that are difficult, my son is so well behaved its just his teething, I have said to his dad your taking tomorrow off work I NEED over 5hrs of alone time, I feel so awful because it just makes u feel that way, thank you!!

[perseverance11]

Hello Jenny29,

Like Hanna said, don‘t be too hard at yourself.
It is your first baby.

Take time for you and just yourself to change your mind.

Have a good evening!

[spondiferous]

I wouldn't worry too much about it, if that's any consolation. I mean, you're obviously in distress, and it's not my intention to invalidate that. But it's natural to have not-so-nice thoughts in difficult situations. You're human, after all. We can only take so much, and motherhood is stressful, especially with infants, especially with teething infants. I wouldn't worry about it too much, again. It doesn't make you a bad person. It just makes you a person.
If you do, however, find yourself crossing over into resentment and find it continues on, and is interfering in your bond with your child and you start to question your ability to care and nurture him, you may want to consider getting help (a counselor, someone to talk to).
I wish you luck.

[pixielou]

Your feelings sound really normal and it is overwhelming when you don't have a decent support network. My family was nearby but they all worked as well and my mother was a self proclaimed, "non-babysitting grandma". You just have to breath and do exactly what you did and ask for help. That is the hardest thing to do sometimes, but you did it. Good for you. Enjoy your day tomorrow and enjoy your little boy when you have had your well deserved break!

[Jenny29]

Thank you all for the reply, Spondiferious thank you, I am not at all resentful of my son, I love him with all my heart but I understand what you are saying.

I was just stressed out, thanks Pixielou, it was the hardest thing to ask for help, I asked my partners sister to look after him the following day and i also cried in front of her and told her what happened, I am very hard on myself and take things too seriously, she was helpful and understood.

I think we just put so much pressure on ourselves as mothers, like i still do feel like crap for having to ask her for help, i feel like i should be able to manage and if I cant I am a bad mother, I am going to try from now on not to be as hard on myself and get a timeout now and again so i dont get overly stressed.

Motherhood is the best thing that ever happened me, not easy at times thou and yes overwhelming to be sure.xxxx

[winter1989]

Glad you are feel better. they say having children is going to heaven and hell :P