struggling with conflicting emotions

Is anyone else struggling with the Memorial Day celebrations? Memorial Day doesn't usually bother me, but it is this year.

It seems the TV is full of programs about vets coming home with PTSD. My Dad was abusive and an alcoholic. He also probably had undiagnosed PTSD from WWII. On one level I understand his psych problems probably caused the drinking and abusive behavior, but... at the same time he caused a lot of pain in our family. I'm struggling with the conflicting feelings this creates in me. This is not something new. Ever since I realized he probably had PTSD I've struggled with the the conflict between wanting to have sympathy for him and at the same time being hurt and angry because of the way he treated us.

Anyone else struggle with this sort of thing?

I feel the same way about my dad after he told me about his own childhood... not a combat thing, but he grew up in Europe during the war... I have trouble sometimes remembering he too, is a damaged human being. It does not have to negate or lessen the impact of the suffering caused by him, but understanding makes it hard to be as angry as I wish I could be with him. Most of the time I end up feeling sorry for him... same with his sister (she probably has undiagnosed schizophrenia).
It's ok knowing the roots of the evil and still being angry with it all... (hugs)

What a great comment! Thanks!

((((( lizardlady)))) Sorry you are struggling
i hope things get better for you
(((((MdngtRain)))) sorry you are struggling too

I am dealing with this right now. My husband , who I am recently separated from, was a military man.
His PTSD caused such pain and horrible memories. I cannot separate this from the military that made this possible.
The fact that they have PTSD does not make the pain any less or any more forgivable in my opinion. It hurts just as much, maybe more so because we feel like we should be forgiving and supportive.
I feel for you , this is a really tough time of year.