[Hatter08]

So, I know its been a while since I've posted on the forums here but I need support for a much more recent development in my life. I've always tried to help people whenever I can. I put others before myself, but lately even to the point where I sacrifice my own well-being for others. But recently, its like its bad news all the time. I can't see the good in anything anymore, all I see in people is the fact that they're hurting; they're angry, depressed, something's wrong all the time and I know I can't fix it. But I can't stop noticing it. (and don't just tell me to stop paying attention. I got that from another group of people and it really ticks me off. If I could just stop paying attention, I would.)

I don't watch the news, I don't socialize but I see things. I can somehow see people's pain all the time, I pick up on it in some way shape or form and now it's becoming even harder to make friends because they're hurting all the time and I can't stop noticing it and when I can't help, my head goes to some pretty dark places and I just can't control it. I keep quiet and I bottle everything in but it feels like it's draining me and I just need to stop feeling things. I need some way to feel numb.

[roads]

I don't think it's all you.

The state of affairs with the world generally is lousy--& unless you hang out with the rich & powerful, most people you and I are around aren't having an especially good life right now. For most people things aren't looking up.

I went on a vacation in the fall of 2011 that cut me off from TV and newspapers for several weeks. It was actually a relief to not get the news--& I never got the habit back. Of course I get news in other ways, but the stress is less. I'm still impacted by the people around me. And so are you. People are. It's one reason why folks hit the bars after work.

Alcohol will numb you. Or drugs. You don't want that, though.

You can't fix the world, or even one person, Hatter, but you can work on accepting them as they are. That's first. Second, try accepting that you aren't responsible for anyone else. Taken together, this means permitting yourself to function simply as an adult who is neither a parent nor a teacher. You are an adult with responsibilities to no one but yourself.

Take a deep breath. Another one. "An adult with responsibilities to no one but yourself." How does that feel?

[winkynjr]

Wow Batter I feel partially to blame for you feeling this way!!!! You need to tAke care of you and not always worry about me and try to help me!!! Don't get me wrong, I truly appreciate you listening to me, but if I am bringing things up for you than.......I m sorry!!!!! Hope you get to feeling better again soon!!!!! And PLEASE DO NOT DO ANYTHING STUPUD!!!!!

[Thunder Bow]

You may be experiencing "Projection". That means you may be projecting your own feelings on to others.

[sobey1]

It's not always a good thing to constantly put others ahead of yourself.
Remember, on a plane, when the oxygen masks fall, you are instructed
to don yourself first and then your loved one.

You can't help anyone if you're helpless.

Good luck.

[enchanted]

Im sorry things are so bad for you hat, you are a very kind compassionate person and i think that you feeling the pain of others dispite how you are suffering is amazing there are few out there with hearts as big as yours. you are not responsible for these people suffering or expected to make them better hat sometimes you have to look after yourself first, this is not selfish its survival. when you are feeling stronger then you can help others. im always here if you ever want to talk

[TippPatt]

Originally Posted by Hatter08

I pick up on it in some way shape or form and now it's becoming even harder to make friends because they're hurting all the time and I can't stop noticing it and when I can't help, my head goes to some pretty dark places and I just can't control it.

From my perspective, there is every possibility is that you are 'relating' to other's pain because you know what it's like to feel that way.

Remember though, it doesn't require you to DO anything. All you can do or say is that you understand, because that's what you're doing. In essence, you are indeed relating.

Keep good thoughts and know that you can't take care of others unless you take care of yourself.

[avlady]

Learn to love yourself. That is the only way we can love others is if we love ourselves first.( not narcissism) I think its a good thing you can see another's pain, to me it's like the sixth sence. It is also, like Roadie said, the basic idea that most of us in the world are going through the same things considering the state of the world is now, everybody is sufferring somehow and there are alot of people hurting at the same time. Please don't make yourself suffer when you don't have to, you'll miss out on some good times in your life, if only you would let it be.

[winter4me]

You are in a painful place. I am familiar with this place. It may not entirely pass but the intensity will ebb with activity and time---what do you do to stay healthy?
With your great empathy and love for others, I think two things---learning contemplative techniques (not easy) and physical exercise may help to balance things out. and, if you are able, you might consider focusing your desire to help (eg: peace corp, local food kitchen, other---a place you can, with others, make a difference one person at a time, one day at a time, and in doing this you are also sending those ripples out that a stone dropped in still waters creates, you will be affecting people you don't even know in a good way by the small stories those you help tell, whether they know you or not. And, in the moment you will be effecting positive changes. Hang in there.