I need to vent about my anger!

I absolutely despise my ex boyfriend. He was a controlling, manipulative, asshole. I hate him so much. Im 19 and he is 25 and we were together for 11 months before I opened my eyes and finally left him. I hate him because I allowed him to do and say so much to me during our relationship, while knowing it was wrong, I just couldnt leave. I want him dead. Below are san example of the things he use to say and do
1. He has walked over 10 miles to my house twice without my knowledge to ensure I wasnt cheating, I only found out when I saw a shadow outside of my bedroom window
2. He constantly called me names and said really degrading things to me
3. He constantly threaten suicide if i were to leave him. I have actually called the police multiple times thinking he was dead, only to find him alive and well.
4.We would have stupid arguments like if I was in the tub for longer than 15 minutes, he would swear up and down I was cheating on him or having sex with someone while on the phone with him.
I NEVER cheated on him and I'm so angry with myself for allowing this to continue for almost a year. I'm smart, have an amazing mother and a host of friends, I have great personality and I knew I deserved better than what him but I allowed him to make me feel guilty for leaving him. I even have an order of protection against him because he wouldnt stop calling or coming by my house. I just want him to leave me alone. Sometimes i sit here and think of ways to kill him, although I would never do it, I just want him gone out of my life for good. I feel better now that I can actually enjoy life without worrying about him constantly calling to make sure I was were I said I was going to be. Im ashamed of this relationship and of myself.

TnBrain, it sounds like you used your anger to motivate you to leave an abusive relationship. Good for you!

Gary290

I hope this was a learning experience for you. You can't be a door mat unless you lay down. I had to learn that too, but it took me MUCH LONGER.

I stayed married to a man for 26 YEARS, while he treated me like that and WORSE. I was terrified of him, plus I had 2 kids that he threatened to take away where I'd NEVER see them again -- and he WOULD have done that -- there's NO doubt in my mind. He just wanted to hurt me any way he could.

I waited until the youngest child was 18, and then divorced the bum. Of course that infuriated him, and he stalked me, called at all hours of the night, and THEN I had to call the police because there was a BOMB in the garage!!! No kidding-he'd put a bomb in there. The cops brought the bomb squad, carefully got the thing out of there, took it out in the country, and blew it up!!

They took "care" of him!

After that, I moved out of town where he didn't know where I was -- and my kids would NOT tell him either. He's dead now.

Make sure the next guy is MUCH different in character than THIS guy. Take time in choosing who you're going to be with. Do a background check on him, and loads of research! You cannot be too careful.

God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

Don't ever be ashamed of what you have learned/experienced! It will be very valuable to you in later life as you work with others/in other relationships. You cannot know things before you experience/learn them, reading about things in books or thinking or being told about them is not the same.

Thanks and I will be doing thorough back ground check on my next boyfriends when I finally feel ready to be in a relationship again.

It can be difficult not to be ashamed and made. You should be proud that you allowed yourself to end it when you did. It is all a learning experience and you sound like your on your way to living life your way.

omg!!! Thanks for this!! and by thorough, does that involve a complete p. eval?! ((<----now, that's something I've said to myself before ))