[bos314489]

I have been dealing with this horrible emotion of jealousy lately. About 6 moths ago my first love from 20 years ago separated from his wife and we began seeing each other. He said they were both seeing other people and that they were headed for divorce. Well now they are back together. They have a 5 year old child and he wants to keep his family together. I don't know why this news is hitting me so hard. I want him to be happy and of course want what is right for his child, etc. but I feel very hurt and jealous of his wife. I guess I got my hopes up that we could maybe have a future together and it felt really good being together again, but he belongs to someone else and I am really hurt. I don't know how to deal with these feelings of hurt and jealousy. Any advice? Thanks

[Leed]

Hi ~ I think what you're feeling is pretty normal. Naturally you felt hurt, especially since he was your first love -- and being together again probably felt wonderful!

But when he went back to his wife, of course you were hurt! That's only normal, and I don't know how you two broke up 20 years ago, but if HE broke it off back then, it would hurt probably twice as much cause here he is doing it AGAIN.

Anyway -- the old cliche' "time heals all wounds" is REALLY correct. It does take time, but you WILL heal. It may take a little longer than you want, but you will begin to feel better. It's like grieving --- grieving for a lost love. And there are 5 stages to grief: shock, anger, depression, bargaining, and acceptance. You probably won't go thru the bargaining stage, unless you try to BRIBE him to come back. LOL And I doubt you'd do that. You're too good a person, and I can tell that by your concern for the child.

Try to stay busy. Go out with friends, and meet new people. Do anything to take your mind off things. And if none of this works, see a therapist. Your doctor can refer you to a good therapist. He'll know who to refer you to.

I wish you the very best, my friend. Please take care and God bless. Hugs, Lee

[tinyrabbit]

I don't think that's jealousy. I think it's grief. You're grieving for something you've lost and that does take time.