[indigo1015]

I feel like I'll never measure up. Ever. I've decided to return to school to become a pharmacy technician. My mom and my friends say, "With all the chemistry courses you've taken, why don't you become a doctor?" The answer to that is simple: I have absolutely no interest in becoming a doctor; I don't have the required compassion and interest in people's well-being, and I don't want to be in school until I'm forty. I want to be a pharmacy technician because the subject fascinates me, and I have a lot of experience with medications, plus, I truly know how awful life can be when you are over- or under-medicated, or are simply taking a medication that isn't right for you. With my chemistry background, it seems like a good path, and I'll be out of school by April 2015. Not bad. However, I feel that my parents, one of whom has a Master's and one of whom has a Ph.D, think it's not good enough. I think they are comparing me to my younger sister - she is going to graduate school in the United Kingdom to study the evolution of the English language, and she's always done well in school, whereas I was always terrible at taking exams (even though I knew the actual material backwards and forwards). Same thing with standardized tests - she got close to a 1500 on hers, whereas I refuse to ever divulge my SAT scores. And she has a boyfriend. And she's pretty. And thin. I feel like my parents have always felt that she is smarter and superior, and I know that strangers feel that way. My sister is much more talkative than I am, and she's very well-spoken, whereas I tend to be more of a listener, and when I speak, I sound stupid and unsure of myself. Whenever people meet the two of us, I can tell simply from their tone, expression and general demeanor that they think she's brilliant and that I'm a waste. Maybe they're right. Maybe all the evidence I've tried to overlook these past few years is indicative that I'm substandard. It's a horrible feeling.

[kaliope]

Maybe its time to distance yourself from your family and do what you want to do to make you happy. you are the one that has to live with yourself, not them. You will never live up to their expectations, so there is no sense in keeping trying. your life is your own now. live it. I could sense your knowledge and happiness in talking about being a pharmacy tech. it is your future. you should be able to choose what you want to do. I say go for it.

[indigo1015]

kaliope, I'm not sure how to take your post. It's somewhat insulting.

Originally Posted by kaliope

Maybe its time to distance yourself from your family and do what you want to do to make you happy. you are the one that has to live with yourself, not them. You will never live up to their expectations, so there is no sense in keeping trying. your life is your own now. live it. I could sense your knowledge and happiness in talking about being a pharmacy tech. it is your future. you should be able to choose what you want to do. I say go for it.

[MoxieDoxie]

Originally Posted by indigo1015

kaliope, I'm not sure how to take your post. It's somewhat insulting.

?! What was insulting about Kaliope post??????

[Thunder Bow]

Follow your own goals and work in a Pharmacy. Forget Parents remarks, those are out of fear and anxiety that has nothing to do with you or your goals. No need to compare yourself. Just accept yourself.

[Lostime]

We all have a place in life, it may not be what others expect from us, but it is us.
If you are happy in what you do enjoy it, in the end it is your choice and you need too be first and for most happy in what you do, you live in your body and mind no one els.

[winter4me]

knowing medications is a real specialty and if you have the interest it is not only fascinating but tremendously useful.

[kaliope]

Originally Posted by indigo1015

kaliope, I'm not sure how to take your post. It's somewhat insulting.

I am so sorry you took what i said as insulting. i only meant it to be encouraging. you discuss how you feel like the black sheep so i thought it was appropriate to say that you should not worry about living up to the expectations of your parents any longer, rather to do what makes you happy in life and follow your dreams. i am sorry if this was misunderstood.

[indigo1015]

kaliope - it's possible I misinterpreted what you said; by saying that I would never live up to my parents' expectations, I felt you were saying that I would never be able to impress them, because I am simply that pathetic. If I was mistaken, then I am sorry about that. I was in a certain frame of mind when I read your response, and I guess I took it in a way that you probably didn't intend. I am the one who should be sorry, not you.

Originally Posted by kaliope

I am so sorry you took what i said as insulting. i only meant it to be encouraging. you discuss how you feel like the black sheep so i thought it was appropriate to say that you should not worry about living up to the expectations of your parents any longer, rather to do what makes you happy in life and follow your dreams. i am sorry if this was misunderstood.

[shaggydoo]

It sounds like you have found something you love and your family isn’t supporting you and sheds doubt on your choices? If you were to remove yourself from your family do you think your well-being would improve? Have you expressed to your family how you feel?

[indigo1015]

It's a difficult feeling to explain - I want them to be proud of me, and we are a very close family. Maybe they really are proud of me, it's hard to tell at times, because as a rule, we are all perfectionists, so if we feel something isn't right, we're more likely to comment on that than if we think someone is doing the right thing. No, I haven't really expressed how I feel to them, partly because I'm afraid to hear the answer.

Originally Posted by shaggydoo

It sounds like you have found something you love and your family isn’t supporting you and sheds doubt on your choices? If you were to remove yourself from your family do you think your well-being would improve? Have you expressed to your family how you feel?

[shaggydoo]

Originally Posted by indigo1015

It's a difficult feeling to explain - I want them to be proud of me, and we are a very close family. Maybe they really are proud of me, it's hard to tell at times, because as a rule, we are all perfectionists, so if we feel something isn't right, we're more likely to comment on that than if we think someone is doing the right thing. No, I haven't really expressed how I feel to them, partly because I'm afraid to hear the answer.

I think there is a part of us that always wants our family’s approval and acceptance regardless of our age. Sometimes though our family is at least in part the very source of what is causing us distress. Maybe try separating yourself from your family to what ever degree you are comfortable and see if your situation improves. Also, see if on the days you are with your family if you tend to have worse days. On the days that you don’t talk to them, do you do better?? Maybe even write this down. Seeing this on paper can help diagnose what the source of your distress is. Loving your family is something you will do your whole life. Try searching for a happy medium for now. I wish you the best in your travels.. good luck with school - shaggy