[yellowfrog268]

We all have restrictions that are placed upon us. I don't think anyone would disagree. Yet, why is it we insist upon perpetuating the idea that "the world is your oyster" or "whatever you believe, you can become"? Really? Can a man of 6 foot 2 inches become a jockey because he really really wants to? How about a person a person with Down's Syndrome who wants to compete in the regular Olympics not the Special Olympics? Why do we insist on deluding ourselves and our children by repeating such nonsense? Wouldn't it be far better to encourage ambitions but add a touch of realism instead of setting ourselves up for disappointment (and maybe even depression) when the realization hits that we can't reach these pie-in-the-sky dreams that we've been led to believe are within reach?
Or, how about this one-- "Just find your passion". Well, it seems to me that if you have a passion for something you wouldn't have to spend time trying to find it. It would make itself known to you. After all, doesn't passion move you from inside? Besides, what's wrong with not having a passion? What's wrong with wanting to live simply seeing what each day has to bring instead pushing yourself relentlessly to pursue some end goal. Why should people be made to feel bad because they haven't got anything they feel passionate about? Are you defective or somehow less complete as a person if you don't have anything you are passionate about? Are you missing out on the human experience?

Thoughts?

[H3rmit]

My mother was big on the "you can do anything." It was a way of leaving it all up to me, and her not having to think about things, because when she did try to think about things, her thoughts and comments were pretty much useless. She didn't think anything I was interested in mattered (evidently, but I won't quote the dismissive things she said that showed that) nor could be bothered to find out about them. It would have required expanding her world view, finding ways to encourage and involve me in the world with respect to things she knew nothing about. It was also a way of denying I had a problem that needed help, and being able to blame me for not conforming. When I think about this is makes me angry. What a wasted life. Yeah, I could deal with the social stuff eventually, after sacrificing most of my life to learn it, the stuff she couldn't be bothered to gently teach me.

I hate stupid, lazy, pie-in-the-sky thinking. There is a small bit of truth in all this, simply that if you push beyond what you are sure you can do, you stretch and find more.

[Webgoji]

Well, not to be a Debbie Downer, but I agree with you.

Up to high school, I drank the Disney and Hulk Hogan Kool-Aid. I thought if I just tried hard enough, worked hard enough and took my vitamins, I could accomplish anything. By my junior year it was obvious; even though I shot over 90% from the free throw line and over 30% from the three-point line, I would never even play 1A basketball, much less in the NBA. At 5' 8" I was too small to play shooting guard and not fast enough to play point.

So I started powerlifting while still studying hard. I won the state powerlifting championship my senior year, but was bursting blood vessels in my head while trying to train for the national championship. I couldn't ever compete again.

No bigs, I had a 3.98 GPA with plenty of extras, I was going to Kansas State University on a full scholarship wasn't I? Wasn't I?

No. I managed to get a scholarship to the local Junior college and am still in debt with the loans I had to take out to finish my Chemical Engineering degree.

Oh well, I pulled myself up by my bootstraps and set off into the world. This was it, I was going to make good money as a chemical engineer and have a good life.

Right?

10 years later, I had been laid off twice. Once because I stopped a project from going in that would have killed someone. And I finally made as much as the people in the shop but had to work 20 hours more a week than them for it. I applied for a lab technician's position once and the manager asked me why.

"Let's see, you're guy's paychecks are literally double mine, they work less hours and have less responsibility," I responded. "That's a promotion in my book!"

So to borrow the words from The Blue Oyster Cult, you see me now a veteran of 1,000 psychic wars. My weapons are all used up and my armor is destroyed. I have no dreams, no ambitions. I'll never retire because, on the advice of financial advisors, my retirement is destroyed. I've been bankrupted because a company said they would move me and buy my house ... which they didn't.

I don't exist these days for my goals (thus the reason I can't really come up with goals in that self-esteem thread), I exist to try to help others achieve their goals. I don't really get personal satisfaction, but my joy comes from helping others gain their own personal satisfaction.

And you know what? That ain't all bad.

[yellowfrog268]

Originally Posted by Webgoji

Well, not to be a Debbie Downer, but I agree with you.

Up to high school, I drank the Disney and Hulk Hogan Kool-Aid. I thought if I just tried hard enough, worked hard enough and took my vitamins, I could accomplish anything. By my junior year it was obvious; even though I shot over 90% from the free throw line and over 30% from the three-point line, I would never even play 1A basketball, much less in the NBA. At 5' 8" I was too small to play shooting guard and not fast enough to play point.

So I started powerlifting while still studying hard. I won the state powerlifting championship my senior year, but was bursting blood vessels in my head while trying to train for the national championship. I couldn't ever compete again.

No bigs, I had a 3.98 GPA with plenty of extras, I was going to Kansas State University on a full scholarship wasn't I? Wasn't I?

No. I managed to get a scholarship to the local Junior college and am still in debt with the loans I had to take out to finish my Chemical Engineering degree.

Oh well, I pulled myself up by my bootstraps and set off into the world. This was it, I was going to make good money as a chemical engineer and have a good life.

Right?

10 years later, I had been laid off twice. Once because I stopped a project from going in that would have killed someone. And I finally made as much as the people in the shop but had to work 20 hours more a week than them for it. I applied for a lab technician's position once and the manager asked me why.

"Let's see, you're guy's paychecks are literally double mine, they work less hours and have less responsibility," I responded. "That's a promotion in my book!"

So to borrow the words from The Blue Oyster Cult, you see me now a veteran of 1,000 psychic wars. My weapons are all used up and my armor is destroyed. I have no dreams, no ambitions. I'll never retire because, on the advice of financial advisors, my retirement is destroyed. I've been bankrupted because a company said they would move me and buy my house ... which they didn't.

I don't exist these days for my goals (thus the reason I can't really come up with goals in that self-esteem thread), I exist to try to help others achieve their goals. I don't really get personal satisfaction, but my joy comes from helping others gain their own personal satisfaction.

And you know what? That ain't all bad.

It would be so much better to tell ourselves and our children that you can reach for certain goals but bear in mind that you may encounter obstacles that can't be overcome instead of feeding them BS. I wonder if this is an American or Western phenomena, this belief that you can be or do anything? Wonder if other countries take a more realistic approach to goal setting and pursuing dreams.