[rise__above]

I am so up and down. I feel isolated. The other day, I SI'd. I haven't done that in quite a while.

My BPD has me stuck in this place...where I'm either ecstatic or at the deepest end of sorrow. I am stuck in a place of discomfort, sadness, anger, and jealousy. And I feel so lonely. A couple weeks ago, my best friend (brother, not by blood) moved to another state. He has been my safety person for 5 years. I hang out with him, go to him, when I'm depressed. We used to see each other every night.

Now he's gone, and I feel so lonely. I only have 3 other friends here, and 2 are also about to leave. The last is my partner, whom I don't always feel comfortable relying on in the same capacity (I can only push my problems on them so much).

So I feel very isolated and sad. I would appreciate someone to PM or text with. I need a friend. I need help.

[rapid cyclist]

So sorry about the loneliness. Fear of abandonment is one of my big three issues I work on in therapy, and you're going through a lot of real-life loss right now. I really am feeling for you.

Can't offer to text as I've taken my sleepy time meds and they're starting to work. Sometimes I just flat out fall asleep clutching my iPad to my chest, in which case I make a very poor real-time conversationalist.

I just wanted to give you a shout out to let you know I heard you and feel for you.

[rise__above]

Thank you.

I am also upset because of a comment my partner made a week ago. (They have their own mental issues, so they often say things that seem appropriate to their self, but hurt other people's feelings). They said I was a 9/10 (looks) and I was horribly hurt by this. To me, being in love means you find your lover to be the most beautiful person to you. I asked why they don't think I'm perfect, and they responded by saying no one is perfect, and that everyone has room for improvement. They believe it's harmful to act as though you can never improve yourself (I understand this from every point of view besides physical appearance).

Their comment really hurt me, because I think they look perfect. I have body image issues, so I'm not sure if I'm just taking this personally...or if it was a mean thing for them to say.

Nonetheless, it's stuck in my mind. 9 out of 10...imperfect...