[Baylee57]

I haven't been here for awhile, that is because when I do come here I get very anxious reading other posts. I don't know why that happens. But today I need to just talk about my family.

I share a house with one of my daughters and my only grandchild, who is 14. I have almost always had this daughter and grandaughter living with me. except for one year.

My daughter was always sick, she had several accidents, could never wake up to take care of the little one, so I took care of her and my daughter for years and years. In the end the Drs said it was stress not head injury, why she couldn't care for her child or ever move out, even though she has had a good job for over 6 years now.

My son as well has/is been ill. He lost 3 friends to suicide through the last 9 years, turned to drugs and is now not well at all.

My ex is an alcoholic, so i basically brought my children up on my own, he is no help, not ever, damaging to everyone. Divorced for 16 years.

When my daugher finally moved out, within 3 weeks, she sent my grandaughter back to live with me. She chose another life without her child. That was 2 weeks after I left the hospital after another breakdown.

I have paid my daughters way for many things, lastly was paid for her vehicle and pay off her credit cards, which she was to pay back...I know it was not a good choice, I know that. I have paid for so many things since my grandaughter was born, now I really have nothing left, so that is why we live together.

I was in a bad position, 6 years ago, left my job, and needed to re-mortgage my house, I had to use my daughters credit as well as my own, so her vehicle and credit cards got paid through my mortgage pay out. Sold my house for a loss.

That is the short story.

We had a huge fight on Saturday night. Usually I just keep everything in, always, because I don't want to fight. She has a newer van than I (the one I paid for). She wanted to borrow my vehicle for some silly reason. I said no. When I needed help she would not help me, not let me borrow her vehicle. She has refused to pick me up when my vehicle was in the shop, etc. She has never paid me a dime back, and I pay half for everything where we live now.

I just blew, an the past came up and out my mouth. I was so angry that she would ask. But probably it was more about all the things that have happened in the past. What she has done, what she hasn't done.

She doesn't want to talk about anything from the past, she has said she feels so bad for giving up her child, she doesn't know why she did that. (the only time she will say anything about it is when she has been drinking...she drinks a lot late a night.)

My grand, wants to talk about that time in her life, her mom won't go to counselling because it brings up so much pain for Her. But she doesn't realize that there are others, as in my grandaughter, and myself that feel pain and bewilderment from that time.

So now no one is talking to me. My grandaughter will stand up for her mom, she didn't hear much of the fight we had, and she has no idea I have brought her up her whole life, she does remember being left by her mom, that was only 2 years ago. She is still afraid that her mom will leave her again, but her mom will not talk about it, just says it will never happen again.

My daughter is so proud of her daughter, when others tell her what a wonderful young lady she is, smart, kind, caring, etc. She is so proud when people tell her that she brought her up so well. I have made sure my grandaughter had values, and was cared for in every way. No one knows but me that I brought her up, that it was me who cared for her all those years.

My daughter is a good person in a lot of ways, she just can't talk about the past.

I have spent most of my life taking care of others, making sure everyone is okay, I've had two breakdowns and hospitalizations. I just couldn't stand the stress anymore.

I have depression, anxiety, and am so afraid of going back to work, I am on government disability. Which is hard to make ends meet. I was educated and successful in my career, which is gone, I have pretty much hid from the world for 6 years because of my shame of mental illness.

I had to leave my group therapy in April, because of conflict with the therapist. I am alone, so alone, with no one to talk to, to tell these things to.

Of course now I am crying, because to actually say all these things just brings up frustration and pain. And the knowing I am so alone. I have a psychiatrist, I live in Canada, so we don't talk much it is just for meds.

This is a lot longer than I thought I would write, sorry. Life has been hard, I know that is pretty normal, now.

I don't trust others very easily, not even here so much. But enough to write this down. So that is why I write this here. I know my daughter is waiting for me to apologize, I don't think I have anything to apologize for. I brought up the past, which most of she does not even remember, she puts things away to never be thought of again.

Maybe I am in the wrong, I never know. I know no one can solve this. I needed to put this down somewhere.

I feel bad for everyone who is suffering here. I always feel my problems are never important compared to others.

I guess that is all.
Baylee

[Thunder Bow]

Stop rescuing them, all of them. Some times rescuing people from their problems will make things worse for you and them. All you are really doing, is re-enforcing their feelings that they can' t take care of thier own problems and responsabilitys. Thus they will continue to be helpless, and drag you down with them.

Also you are causing them to miss the opportunity to take care of them selves. You are robbing them of their own power!

[gayleggg]

Hi, Baylee57 and welcome back to PC. Don't feel bad about posting. You will always find people in worse condition than you and some in better shape. The main thing is that you are hurting and need support. I don't know that I have any answers, but wanted to let you know that you have been heard and I'm sorry you are having such a tough time. You might want to seek out a counselor now that you are not in group therapy anymore. Wish you the best.

[Baylee57]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

Stop rescuing them, all of them. Some times rescuing people from their problems will make things worse for you and them. All you are really doing, is re-enforcing their feelings that they can' t take care of thier own problems and responsabilitys. Thus they will continue to be helpless, and drag you down with them.

Also you are causing them to miss the opportunity to take care of them selves. You are robbing them of their own power!

The only person I've rescued is my grandaughter since her birth. I will never let her suffer or go without. Never.