[kuro92]

I don't know how to express how I feel anymore. My mom passed away about 5 months ago from cancer(I'm 20) and I've just been a complete mess since then. I've been able to put on a good show for everyone by pretending I'm perfectly fine, but I can't deny that I just feel so unstable(that's the only way I can describe it)

My mom passed away about 1 month before summer break. I forced myself to return to school and I just kept pretending to be okay around others. But once summer came, I just pretty much locked myself at home and pushed away all my friends. Having to return back to school though is really difficult for me. I'm having such a hard time communicating with anyone and I just feel nervous being around others. It doesn't help that I'm being bullied by these 3 girls in my class too. That's just making me more self conscious about myself. I just feel like I'm starting to break down and that I can't get myself to keep going to school. I stressed myself so much to the point I recently found out I developed a stomach ulcer. Since I pushed all my friends away too, I feel like I'm completely alone. I didn't mean to push them away, but for some reason just couldn't get myself to be around anyone. I don't really know what to do anymore...I just want to be happy again, but I feel like it's not going to happen and the more I try to get myself to be happy, the worst I get. I don't know what to do to make myself feel better and get myself through college. I'm not sure why, but also ever since my mom passed away I feel like I hate myself. I hate the way I look and act and I feel like that's part of the reason why I don't want to be around anyone. I don't know where those thoughts came from and why I feel like this, but I can't get them to go away. I just don't know what's wrong with me.

[Thunder Bow]

See a conseler concerning greaf and the bullying. You do need some help. There is nothing wrong with you. You just need some support during these difficult times for you.

[gayleggg]

Hi and to Psych Central. We have a Grief and Loss forum that you might find support and feedback. I also agree with Thunder Bow you need to see a counselor. The amount of grief and depression you are talking about could be help by a grief counselor. If you can't afford to see a therapist check in the college you are in. They usuall have a counselor for students.

[kaliope]

hi kuro
You are going thru a very difficult time grieving the loss of your mother. I am sure your friends would welcome you back if you reached out to them again. as the others have said, seeking help from a counselor would be very beneficial. most colleges offer this service for free. Welcome to Psych Central. You will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. You will get a lot of support here. Again, welcome.

[BLUEDOVE]

Hi Kuro,
I DO get identification with your stress. I too gave myself an ulcer with stress I went through.
I felt TRAPPED at the time,so please,please do get
someone to talk to; it will act as a RELEASE of the
tension and aloneness. For God's sake,tell someone
about the loonies who are bullying you,don't carry
this by your self. Quote:"That which does not kill
you,makes you stronger."
Deepest Respect,
BLUEDOVE