[PeachCream22]

Hi everyone. I hope there will be people who find my thread to be of use in their own lives. It's something I've realised about myself recently, but I've been like this, practically my whole life. And it's REALLY DIFFICULT TO NOT DO IT. Any thoughts, opinions, feedback, sharing of own personal stories or insight is greatly appreciated!

I find that I am a very very very huge attention-seeker. I put myself down so that others can say I'm not that bad, whether it's sports, academics, etc. I compare myself to others and I always find that they're always better than me, although I KNOW and I TRY to accept the fact that I'm one of a kind and i'm just as special as other people, and I keep putting myself down to...sort of motivate myself to do better. But in the end i lapse into depression. Hence, i cannot be myself around other people. I've been happy before around other people (and now it seems like those times are ages ago...) but for some reason my confidence is losing the more I grow. It could be due to a recent break-up, but i don't know!

I am also concerned with my physical looks, which I've been told, repeatedly: I'm pretty, have great legs, etc. And I keep feeding on them like a girl who's hungry for compliments, and it's sickening and desperate. I want people to know the real me and to love me for who I am, but HOW can I expect people to know me when i keep faking my personality and try to be perfect in other people's eyes and also try to make myself better??? It's my own problem and I gotta deal with it and stop being such an attention-seeking desperate people-pleaser girl!!

I think all the issues above are all inter-related by this monster: low self-esteem. But of course, anyone else having a different answer is more than welcome to say it. Sorry for the lengthy post and THANK YOU FOR READING.

[spondiferous]

I have to admit that I do this as well. Not so much as I used to but I still do it. I think the best way to deal with it is to pick things that you're good at and nurture them. If you're into sports, join a team, if you're not on one already. Write, if you're a writer. Make art, if you're an artist. And when you're around other people, it might not be so easy. But with each time you slip up and fall back into the behavior, try to remind yourself that you want to change, that you are changing, that a different life is yours to be had. See if that makes a difference. It's really hard to change ingrained behaviors, especially ones we've had for a long time. Patience (that nasty word).

Originally Posted by PeachCream22

Hi everyone. I hope there will be people who find my thread to be of use in their own lives. It's something I've realised about myself recently, but I've been like this, practically my whole life. And it's REALLY DIFFICULT TO NOT DO IT. Any thoughts, opinions, feedback, sharing of own personal stories or insight is greatly appreciated!

I find that I am a very very very huge attention-seeker. I put myself down so that others can say I'm not that bad, whether it's sports, academics, etc. I compare myself to others and I always find that they're always better than me, although I KNOW and I TRY to accept the fact that I'm one of a kind and i'm just as special as other people, and I keep putting myself down to...sort of motivate myself to do better. But in the end i lapse into depression. Hence, i cannot be myself around other people. I've been happy before around other people (and now it seems like those times are ages ago...) but for some reason my confidence is losing the more I grow. It could be due to a recent break-up, but i don't know!

I am also concerned with my physical looks, which I've been told, repeatedly: I'm pretty, have great legs, etc. And I keep feeding on them like a girl who's hungry for compliments, and it's sickening and desperate. I want people to know the real me and to love me for who I am, but HOW can I expect people to know me when i keep faking my personality and try to be perfect in other people's eyes and also try to make myself better??? It's my own problem and I gotta deal with it and stop being such an attention-seeking desperate people-pleaser girl!!

I think all the issues above are all inter-related by this monster: low self-esteem. But of course, anyone else having a different answer is more than welcome to say it. Sorry for the lengthy post and THANK YOU FOR READING.

Hi,

Read here and see if this helps. Best to you.

Histrionic Personality Disorder Symptoms | Psych Central

[PeachCream22]

spondiferous: Yes, I understand what you're saying thanks for the advice! I guess I just have to keep on reminding myself about what i have. But it is very difficult, though, when this unwanted behaviour is so second-nature already, and I never knew it was unhealthy until recently.

Tabitha Layne: Thanks for the link. I have read it, and I think that particular disorder is a little vague on the symptoms, i think a lot of people have some of them during their lifetime, although they do not show it. But yes, it is very similar to how I feel, though not as extreme as some of the things mentioned in the article

[BLUEDOVE]

Hi PC,
Have a look back at your childhood.If you
were not loved as a child,you have found the reason
for your behaviour. What we do is,make the people
in the world our surrogate parents and try to get the
love,affection,approval we never got as children!
This is degrading and demeaning,and a betrayal of
whom we really are. BUT, the compulsion is so
strong we keep doing it--even after being told of it.
Others will take advantage of you,and disrespect
you. Instead of seeking approval,seek to be respected,then people will like,or not like whom you REALLY ARE!
Deepest Respect,
BLUEDOVE

[wondering soul]

Of course it is your low self esteem, but you have to go deeper than that. What is causing the low self esteem? Your beliefs of course. At your core you believe that you are unworthy (which I relate to) because of what OTHER people have told you through the years (the people you are attached to- like mom and dad and siblings, etc). You certainly did not come out of the womb believing you were unworthy, but somewhere along the way environmental factors kicked in and formed negative beliefs. But this is the thing- beliefs can CHANGE! What you believe about yourself can come from you. Decise what you want to believe about yourself and begin living with the intent to BE those things. Positive affirmations help a lot too. This and good solid exercise is what keeps my head up.

[PeachCream22]

Originally Posted by wondering soul

Of course it is your low self esteem, but you have to go deeper than that. What is causing the low self esteem? Your beliefs of course. At your core you believe that you are unworthy (which I relate to) because of what OTHER people have told you through the years (the people you are attached to- like mom and dad and siblings, etc). You certainly did not come out of the womb believing you were unworthy, but somewhere along the way environmental factors kicked in and formed negative beliefs. But this is the thing- beliefs can CHANGE! What you believe about yourself can come from you. Decise what you want to believe about yourself and begin living with the intent to BE those things. Positive affirmations help a lot too. This and good solid exercise is what keeps my head up.

Yeah, I think you're right. But I guess it is, like I mentioned, going to be difficult, because changing your beliefs is like changing who you are. But if who I am is having a negative impact on those around me and myself, then I suppose I'd have to change. Thank you for the input!

[Perna]

It is good that you are recognizing what is going on. You cannot change a behavior until you can "see" it. Try to catch yourself putting yourself down and then counter it with a self-supportive thought or idea and as you get better at doing that, you won't need to put yourself down so much, won't need to rely on others telling you you are okay.

When I would catch myself saying something self-deprecating, I would just think "Support!" and see three little men in togas carry in a Corinthian column to the middle of my head and set it up and then trundle off toward the other ear It was so funny I learned to laugh at myself and enjoy my imagination while I was putting down my negative comment habit. Make self support more fun/enjoyable than the iffy rewards of getting others to say nice things about you that you probably won't believe anyway?

[PeachCream22]

Thank you very much for sharing Perna! Hmm, you know what? You have a very refreshing perspective. And i can guess it was a personal thing to share, so thank you for sharing it!

I'll try my best to laugh about it. like they, say, it's the best medicine!