[Christine66]

I feel hyper emotional lately. I cry suddenly...things that used to mean so much to me do not...most things are empty. I can't feel gratitude for what I am or have anymore...I don't know what is happening. My normal coping mechanisms are not working; it is like someone gave me a drug and I can't see or hear anymore. I want to go home.

[JadeAmethyst]

)))))))))))))(((((((((((((

[roads]

Where is home, Christine, and how long have you been away? From your bio, you sound not so happy at work ... Could that be a factor in this heightened emotional sense?
We all need to feel supported, and if you're not getting that at work then it's even more important that you feel secure and safe at home ... do you?
I'm concerned about the thin/fat etc. Has your life, and have you, fluctuated at extremes a lot?
It seems to me that first you need to see your PCP and get a thorough medical exam, if you haven't had one recently. You could need a little tweaking for thyroid or other endocrine problem. If a physical turns up nothing, I'd suggest seeing a therapist or psychiatrist. There could be a trigger or stressor you're not fully aware of, and once you figure out what just that knowing may lift the weight.
I'm glad you found us! I've lived in southern NM off and on most of my life, I'm bipolar and have been here 2yrs. I've met great folks, and some are part of my support team.
You'll be okay--you aren't alone, if you'll post here and keep coming back.
Roadie

[Christine66]

Roadie, I don't really know where home is; I just have the feeling at times that I want to go 'home'. I feel like I've been 'away' ... I guess from myself...for years. Thanks for reading my other posts to give me some insight. It is true that my work is my biggest emotional drain. It is not that I am overwhelmed with work - it is that my job is too easy; I'm bored and don't feel creative or fullfilled.

I am the youngest in my family of origin and my mother coddeled and spoiled me as much as she could. I think that contributed to my not having coping skills as an adult. My dad was...there. My siblings were not very supportive either; I felt mostly jealousy from them ... or contempt. I do feel safe at home; in fact, I depend heavily on my husband to talk to and for support since I don't really have friends I talk to much.

I have flucuated in my weight but I would not say 'a lot'; I was a chubby adolescent, then lost to a healthy/svelt weight about age nineteen. I stayed that way until about twenty seven when I gained most of it back. Then at about age forty I decided to get healthy again and over the span of about three years, changed my lifestyle and have come down to a healthy weight again. I don't feel as 'svelt' as the first time I lost weight, but maybe because I am older.

I saw my PCP about a month ago but he did not do a full work up. Also, I started seeing a therapist via the Employee Assistance Program. There wer only two in my small suburb. One said she was not accepting new patients so I went with the other. I don't really click with her; she recently told me to 'look to christ' for my problems. Sigh...I get the feeling she has not dealth with some of the issues I bring so she did not know what else to say. I wanted her expertise help in ananlyzing...to no avail. At any rate, I've exausted my 'free' sessions' so now I'd have to pay 20% if I go through my insurance. I just can't afford that, and have not approached my insurance about going with someone else. They may allow me more free sessions next calendar year and then I will try someone in the next town I suppose.

Thanks so much for saying that I will be ok...I need to hear that.

Any more comments now that I've elaborated a bit?

[winter4me]

I have been having that same feeling, in fact I hear it in my head ("I want to go Home!") quite often lately. It is not a place but a state of mind...
(((((((((((((((((((((Christine66))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Christine66]

Winter, do you think it is wanting to go home to ourselves, like heal?

[roads]

Originally Posted by Christine66

Roadie, I don't really know where home is; I just have the feeling at times that I want to go 'home'. I feel like I've been 'away' ... I guess from myself...for years. Thanks for reading my other posts to give me some insight. It is true that my work is my biggest emotional drain. It is not that I am overwhelmed with work - it is that my job is too easy; I'm bored and don't feel creative or fullfilled.

....

Home for me is the High Desert, away from cities ... I think because when I'm there, I'm physically elated, more content. The altitude, lower humidity, agrees with me. I like the kind of wildlife and people I find there. It's easier for me to let go of stress and get to the basic "me."

I feel at home when I feel completely myself, none of the parts missing or weak or sick. I can get short periods of this, but it takes work.

I hope, Christine, you'll get a thorough physical soon--blood work on thyroid and liver and all.

How about talking with your supervisor ar work and taking on more responsibility? Forget pay for the moment--ask about representing the company on Community boards or in some Volunteer Service capacity? This will let your employer know you have more to offer ... and perhaps they will find better use for you within the company.

[avlady]

I'm sad your not feeling too good, there isnoplace like home, wherever your heart calls home

[wondering soul]

I have thought "I just want to go home" so many times. Wow, I can really relate to what your are saying. And yes... I do believe that going home is going home to ourselves- but also the greater whole. I do believe strongly in afterlife, though not of the typical religious sort. I recently watched a documentary on the Tibetan Book of the Dead and I want to read it. I think on another level, that wanting to go home is a way to mask the fear of death. It's like, if we can somehow control death (through suicidal thoughts) we become aware that we can choose to live or die at anytime. But if we are constantly yearning for death (to go home) then we get caught in a trap where we are already dead spiritually- we thereby forget to LIVE. This is my rational view of what you are saying. But on an emotional level, it is very painful. The only way I have found to divert the pain is through physical pain (no not cutting)- through running at least 3 miles a day 4-5 times a week. That helps. And reading the right books. And talking to the right people

[anneo59]

Originally Posted by Christine66

Roadie, I don't really know where home is; I just have the feeling at times that I want to go 'home'. I feel like I've been 'away' ... I guess from myself...for years. Thanks for reading my other posts to give me some insight. It is true that my work is my biggest emotional drain. It is not that I am overwhelmed with work - it is that my job is too easy; I'm bored and don't feel creative or fullfilled.

I am the youngest in my family of origin and my mother coddeled and spoiled me as much as she could. I think that contributed to my not having coping skills as an adult. My dad was...there. My siblings were not very supportive either; I felt mostly jealousy from them ... or contempt. I do feel safe at home; in fact, I depend heavily on my husband to talk to and for support since I don't really have friends I talk to much.

I have flucuated in my weight but I would not say 'a lot'; I was a chubby adolescent, then lost to a healthy/svelt weight about age nineteen. I stayed that way until about twenty seven when I gained most of it back. Then at about age forty I decided to get healthy again and over the span of about three years, changed my lifestyle and have come down to a healthy weight again. I don't feel as 'svelt' as the first time I lost weight, but maybe because I am older.

I saw my PCP about a month ago but he did not do a full work up. Also, I started seeing a therapist via the Employee Assistance Program. There wer only two in my small suburb. One said she was not accepting new patients so I went with the other. I don't really click with her; she recently told me to 'look to christ' for my problems. Sigh...I get the feeling she has not dealth with some of the issues I bring so she did not know what else to say. I wanted her expertise help in ananlyzing...to no avail. At any rate, I've exausted my 'free' sessions' so now I'd have to pay 20% if I go through my insurance. I just can't afford that, and have not approached my insurance about going with someone else. They may allow me more free sessions next calendar year and then I will try someone in the next town I suppose.

Thanks so much for saying that I will be ok...I need to hear that.

Any more comments now that I've elaborated a bit?

I went backward on this thread, Christine, sorry, but I saw good advice from others before I saw your post. Hope things work out. Sincerely, Anneo

[Thunder Bow]

I always feel at home here in the desert.