Feeling extremely overwhelmed

I am not fully sure if this should go here or if it should go elsewhere, but I just feel the need to reach out.

Today is a really sh**** day. I hardly slept last night because I was stressing myself out so much and now today I feel so extremely angry with myself and sad and upset and alone.

I hate to think I am trying to be a victim, and maybe subconsciously I am, but I feel so desperate and out of control. I feel like such a little minuscule person that can never do anything right. Every time I think I am making one step forward I take three back and every single time I punish myself to an extreme. I feel like I ought to go away for good and stay away from everybody to avoid f*****g things up for them, because I seem incapable of doing anything right. I also have no skills or real talents to speak of, so I I don't even know why I bother to even try. The people that have tried to help me are the same people that I have somehow ended up f*****g over and now, they may not be saying it out loud, but I know they hate me for the stuff I've done.

That said though, I don't feel its fair that I have to be held accountable so highly for my mistakes and shortcomings, but that's how everyone makes me feel. I SI'd this morning and I still was left trembling after I was finished because I still felt so overcome by my emotions. Even as I apologized to my coworker for being such a sh**** coworker and person, it was like my being just wanted to yell my apology and I had this urge to hit something, to push everything off my desk, to throw my mug against the wall because the emotions were so overwhelming.

I am so sick and tired of being constantly followed by this dark cloud that only seems to bring me problems and causes me to burn bridges I would much rather leave untouched. I don't feel like I can care anymore. My heart and my well-being can't take it anymore. And what hurts more is the realization that no amount of therapy will ever fix my stupidity or my lack of common sense. That's just who I am, and it isn't worth much.

You are not Stupid because your post is well written. Better than most I see here. I think the emotional place you say you are, in this post feels comfortable and familiar. It is lake an old friend that you do not want to say good bye to. It takes courage to leave such a small circle. You can do it, and enter a New World. It is your choice!

I want out but how is it going to help my sorroundings when everyone already hates me or thinks so poorly of me?
I know at the bottom of it is my innate yearning to be accepted and approved, but obviously that will never come because there is nothing good about me.

I just asked someone to please name one good quality of mine. After taking quite a while to answer they simply stated they dont feel like they know the real me so they cant make a call on my qualities. That hurt because this is one of the persons I have ever been the most honest with. How can I find anything redeemable now?

Sent from my GT-I9500 using Tapatalk

It can Only come from within yourself. Chasing after approval by others will not work and is pointless. It is only up to you to validate Yourself. No one can do it for you.

anna_goth27,
It is very clear that U R hurting extremely badly. I am so sorry for this. I hope U have a good psych doc,& R in psychotherapy. If U R comfortable sharing,what mental health issue R U dealing with? I deal w/ Major Depression,Anxiety,& Borderline Personality Traits. When I am mod-sev depressed,I don't tend to see issues clearly or interpret signals from other people well.

Also,I know it feels more comfortable to isolate. It is easier to withdraw & avoid
dealing w/ people that you feel hurt you & that you feel that you constantly hurt
or disappoint. I would encourage you to reach out to professionals that under-
stand what U R going through & places like this where people care & understand
what you're going through. Avoid people,or sharing w/ people who R not suppor-
tive of U.

I, agree, seek professional advice. Relationships can be mended but first find out what you are dealing with.