Forced social isolation.

Over the past months from me getting diagnosed with my physical illness, to now, about ten people have left my life without any explanation or by telling me it's just too hard for them with no respect for me or thoughts for me, just themselves. I haven't even gotten goodbyes.

I feel so isolated and alone because I AM. My two friends, my best friend and my partner, both work and go to school full time and that I respect. I know I can't have either or both with me at all times. But I have been alone now for so many months that I don't even remember what it's like to be with more than one person at a time or have a conversation with others. I am regressing into this person I used to be and it's horrible. And it's hard to work around because on chemo you have to be careful with where you go since getting sick isn't an option. I feel so stuck.

Even support groups here revolve around cancer but none about invisible illnesses which I need so badly.

I just feel so alone and normally I am okay with alone okay is fine but feeling hated and as though I am "something" to be avoided makes me feel horrid. I just don't know how to handle this.

People don't know how to react to illness whether it be MI or physical, so they do nothing. They disappear. They don't know what to say so they say nothing. I think that leaves all of us with illnesses feel like we are "something" to be avoided. It's just human nature.

Their are many in the forums that would be glad to have even just 2 friends left. But I know you are young and miss your social life. Which makes it hard to continue with your going through chemo. It is terrible to feel so sick and be by yourself. I've been there. Chemo sucks. It leaves us feeling isolated and stuck. It leaves us with fear, if we will get better. You handle it just like you do anything else. Make it one day at a time until we make it to the other side of the illness. You are not hated just misunderstood.

Glad you feel you can come here and talk about it.

Thanks, Gayle. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful for the two that have stayed and try and understand, beyond thankful. I think I am just struggling because I was finally acting my age (something, after age 14, I never got to do) and I WAS socializing even though I was anxious I worked through it and it was always nice. And I think a big part of it too is that I feel like my chance at being a 20-something, the ages everyone says are the best, has been taken from me and I don't even have a say.

I think another part is that some people did it with just blatant... cruelty. They just flat out told me I am more of a burden then a friend and left with nothing more than that. And I am not usually a jealous person but seeing them go to work, go to school, going out together makes me so resentful and I don't WANT to be that person. I hate feeling jealous and resentful, it's no ones fault I got sick, not even mine, it was just a random doing of the universe we live in.

In short I just feel robbed and hated for something I cannot control. And since I've lost so many people, I am just waiting for the two who stuck around to run when they have the chance because may I am that much of a burden.

All I want to do is get well, and get to the other side of the illness like you said, and maybe have people on the other side there to tell me they're proud or something. I'm never told I am strong or brave by anyone and maybe it's a fault of mine but it makes me feel weak and pathetic.

See about getting a virtual part-time job that you can do at home. With computer technology constantly growing, there are quite a few out there. It isn't the same as going out and socializing, but it would allow you to be involved a little and give you a little bit of independance that you don't have now. If you need ideas of where to look, let me know.

That's a good idea. I just volunteered to be a reader for a book forum, but I am willing to look into virtual part time jobs. I'd appreciate your help immensely.

People (Friends) who now think you are a burden, or said negative things to you, where never real friends in the first place.

I struggle accepting that, too.

Unfortunately, I think a lot of people don't know how to deal with that sort of thing. Times like this is when you find out who your true friends are - or which ones are emotionally mature enough to stick by your side when you need it most. Hopefully you'll find a good support group close to you that can help you work through this all.

I'm sorry some were so cruel to you. They were never friends. Friends aren't cruel, they should be supportive.

I'm sorry you have missed out on a lot of life because of being sick and I don't blame you. You have to grieve that loss and grief takes time. I didn't find the twenties to be the best time in life, so I wouldn't have lost much.

I'm proud of you for being able to go through the things I know you have to bare going through chemo. Time will pass and it will be over, your hair will grow back. You have to be brave to face this illness. One day you will be strong again and can work on making new, better friendships. I wish you the best for the future.