[indigo1015]

How do you deal with the crippling loneliness of being single? It's been really tough for me lately. It's hard for me to open up to people anyway, but even when I try to keep an open mind, all I can think of is that everyone is judging me. I honestly don't hate men, but frankly, my experiences with them have not been positive. The men I have been with throughout my life have been selfish, self-absorbed, mean, and inconsiderate. Obviously, I need to expand my circle and get to know other guys. The problem is, the "nicer" guys don't want anything to do with me, and whether they admit it or not (most of them won't), I know it's because I'm fat. I understand, okay? Guys want someone who is blemish-free and has all their sh** together. Unfortunately, although I do my best, I'm still figuring some stuff out. And yes, I'm a fat girl -- I'm trying to sort that out as well, but even if I tried a new weight-loss plan, it still wouldn't be an overnight transformation. And frankly, I'd respect a guy more if he tried to get to know me now, rather than wait until I was a size 6. I'm not saying that I shouldn't be held responsible for my weight - not at all. I alone have control over my body, same as everyone else. But weight management has always been a struggle with me, and that's simply the truth. The reason I'm thinking about this a lot these days is because, since I've moved out here, I can't help but notice that people tend to get married and have kids a lot younger here than where I'm originally from. And being 27 and single, I feel sort of like a freak around them. Granted, I don't know their life stories or anything, but it seems to be a cultural difference.

So, I'm kind of stuck in the middle. Either I stick with the guys who don't treat me right, or I keep trying to engage the nice guys, when I know there's really no point. Neither option is favorable, but I am so lonely, and it would be nice to find a partner in crime...

[June55]

Be kind to yourself. I'm pretty much a size 6 and still haven't found that guy.

It's hard being single at times but funny thing, many married people tell me to stay that way.

Just be happy with who you are and what you do.

[Yoda]

Being overweight is not a death sentence. It does take more effort to find flattering clothing than for slim people but you can still be attractive. Being overweight is not a problem with all guys. Yes, there are some guys who will only date a skinny, tan blonde but who needs them? My BMI is 39 so I am pretty big but I still have guys flirt with me.

I think it is more important to be comfortable with yourself regardless of size and be confident and do the most you can with what you have to work with. I rent clothing from an online service and I get to try clothes and wear them if I like them, buy them if I love them or send back right away if I don't like it. Make the best of what you have. My eyes are my best feature so I have learned which shades of shadow and eyeliner work for me. If you don't want to pay a lot of money for a makeover you can find some tutorials on youtube that demonstrate makeup techniques.

Do you have good self esteem? If not, start working on that with a T while you are developing healthy food choices and work on fitness.

Are you putting yourself in an environment where you can meet guys? In the city near me we have a singles group that is not a "dating" group but is for people to meet friends for dinner/bowling/picnics and such and so far I haven't found Mr Right but I enjoy chatting with the men and women.

[Beau_Duc]

Originally Posted by June55

Be kind to yourself.

This is the best thing anyone can say to you indigo. Please do be kind to yourself. Im a guy (obviously, with a username like Beau_Duc, which is Old French for 'Fair Duke' ) but due to health reasons, and its a long, long & complex story, I have dealt with weight problems myself and know exactly how cruel people can be and how difficult the dating scene can be too. Fortunately for me, back before my health failed I met a wonderful beautiful lady and we got married and are living happily ever after. The main thing that makes us work is we have both had big ups and downs in life, both been slim and fat, both had health and family problems etc etc. My point is, there is guys out there who are nice and have a good enough brain on em to not be so shallow as to disregard you because of weight. There is a nice guy out there for you, you just havent met him yet. You're only 27, thats very young Im 36 but feel like Im 98, lol. Life has kicked my butt so bad I feel ancient! I hope I can be encouraging for you here and TRY to speak up for the good guys out there. They exist and one of em would be happy to meet you, just dont give up on all us fellers. Rather, don't let those shallow, mean, arrogant dudes spoil your will to find a good guy.

Thanks for sharing, see you around the place