I don't feel like I am coping.

I feel myself going on this very numbing downward spiral, yet it's not terrifying like my other depressions. This one feels, in the most disturbing of senses, almost comfortable. Familiar. And oddly, safe.

Yet I know it's not. I keep isolating myself to the point of finding it a-okay to not see the few friends I have anymore because I'd rather be alone. I'd rather sleep. I'd rather not eat. I don't panic, I do not become anxious. I am thinking I am just not coping with everything that is happening around me and with me.

I found out I will be on chemo for 4 more months. My grandfather just started his own chemo as he was diagnosed with bladder cancer. My sister is being relentlessly bullied. My moms not getting better... I think I just passed a certain point where not coping has become my coping mechanism.

And I can't tell if I hate it or like it.

Do you think it could have something to do with your chemo treatment? The chemo treatment could be affecting the way you are feeling, especially the not wanting to eat and preference to sleep. Just a thought.

grey, I am dealing with similar circumstances, with the exception of chronic issues with degenerative disks. They have taken over the last 8 years 5 disk and fused with hardware and cadavera bone. I have had been using (my opinion) the best doctors, I am now facing more surgeries and found that now I am developing blockages in atreries, dealing with depression from beng the man of steel, and literally becoming the man of steel. I have gone from being very athletic hunk of a man and reduced to a skinny, wore out 80 year old body. (Im only 57), The rehab only aggrevated my condition, the work I do has aggrevated my condition, but the depression is becoming so prominent, that I just hurt from it alone., Im not eat, sleeping and trying to get through to the doctors ( due mostly from those who abuse drugs) that I need to be out of pain in order to feel like doing anything is like trying to fit a round peg into a square hole. It's causing me to not be able to concentrate, focus on anything and frankly, I am begining to loose my abilty to fight for life any more. DONT get me wrong, I'm here because I am running out of resorses. and just the fact that I am here shows that I haven't quit, and thats sooo easy to do, but not on my to do list as of yet. I PRAY, (dont know if that is allowed on here) but I thank Him for another chance at today, "EVERYDAY", I dont want to hurt anyone around me, but I dont want my wife to watch me deteriorate to a 80lb nothingness either, or cause her a long drawn out death either.
I am open to any and all suggestions for tools for coping with my illnesses, Im afraid to approach doctors for my depression due to the "MENTAL ILLNESS" lableing. since that may have bad concequences for the future, like a regestry for mentally ill people.
I'm open to any recommendations.

The body affects the mind in all of us. So talk to your doctor about how you are feeling. Get a referral to see a Therapist. It will help.

Sometimes we just shut down. I've been where you are (mentally that is) because I was overwhelmed and stuff, and I just shut off. I couldn't care anymore. So what I did was I forced myself to go through the motions of caring, even though my heart was not in it, so that when my mind snapped out of it -- and it will -- my body still knew how to do all of the things I would want to do. Plus I feel like I regretted less from doing that.

That being said, I couldn't do it all the time, so maybe plan to see friends 1ce a week, or take your sister out and make her feel like you at least care about her (that goes a long way). I know it's difficult, but just going through the motions will help in the long run. Your power will come back on when it feels it can deal with the amount of pain around you.

Also, Thunder Bow is right, a T would help.

Grey, this happens to the best of us. I find myself shutting down and hiding from everyone when I am in depression too. In fact I haven't stepped outta my house for the past 2 months, and I find myself regretting my actions.

Trust me, the longer u hide, the harder it is to venture out into the world. Now I find myself missing my friends and my family more and more everyday but I am too consumed with shame to act on these desires.

I do not want this to happen to u. I wish you strength in these difficult times. Chin up!