[Aether]

Hi, I have kind of a random and strange concern. Anyway.

I'm a 23-year-old guy, healthy and I eat right. I'm fairly aloof and kind of emotionally disconnected, I find it a little bit difficult to connect with people on an emotional level and that causes people (specifically women) to think I'm a jerk.

I've found that when I feel strong emotion, such as sadness, regret, sorrow, and sometimes even happiness; I begin to feel sick. I feel like vomiting, dizzy, light-headed, a tightness in my chest, and I get shaky.

I also feel like this when I really like a girl and I begin to talk about meaningful things. Really, the only emotion where this doesn't happen is anger and anger-related emotions.

I don't know why, but it gets to the point where I have to stop and give myself some time alone.

Why does this happen. From personal observation, no-one else I know has this sort of thing happen to them when they feel strong emotions. I don't understand why I exhibit this sort of behaviour. If someone could shed some light on this, it'd be much appreciated.

EDIT: Come to think of it, this happens when I try to show affection in any way.

[Open Eyes]

((Aether)),

This usually happens when someone didn't get the right nurturing when they were very young. We are designed to "cry out" when we are children when we are frightened and need "comforting". Our parent, mother specifically is supposed to come to us and offer us comfort so we slowly learn what our emotions that are forming mean and not to be so afraid of them. We are designed to be held, comforted, talked gently to, and slowly feel safe so we can slowly explore our world and if we get scared, a comforting presence is there to reassure us and we learn "someone is watching over us".

People who develope BPD, are people that did not get that and because of that, they will get upset when they have emotions, because they never really learned how to be ok with "emotions" by the nurturer. And getting upset when "trying to show affection" would also indicate that in your childhood, your efforts to show a mother affection in hopes to gain approval and affection was also rejected because you did not have a mother give you permission to do that as well, she probably "rejected you" , "don't do that, leave me alone, I am too busy, go play, get off of me etc.

We as human beings are designed to be comforted, loved, and constantly given permission to thrive by our nurturers. When we do not get that we "do suffer" and it is truely "not our fault" either.

The biggest challenge with BPD, is a constant fear of rejection and alot of anger and frustration because there is a sense that at some point there will come hurt and rejection. There is a very deep "lack of being able to trust" and often frustration and anger, yet such a huge desire to somehow have some presence hold us and take us away someplace safe.

There is often a constant desire, yet a deep disbelief that true comfort can or will truely take place. It takes time and "the right therapy" to help the person suffering to slowly learn how to understand it on a more conscious level and develope better skills and achieve more "self esteem" so that emotions are better understood and the fear of rejection is also better understood as well. It is not unusual for someone with these issues to be "high achievers" yet stll struggle with all these other areas they don't understand.

[Open Eyes]

Also wanting love and caring and yet getting scared or angry and pushing it away is also mimicking what the child in you "did learn" from the parent who failed to provide healthier nurturing.

I am just being general to give you the main reasons behind your challenges. The lack of proper nurturing can be from having an abscent mother, a mother with and addiction, a narcisistic mother, or a mother whom herself has psychological challenges.

Unfortunately, with the way women have been more self involved with personal goals, careers, and relationship challenges, there are a vast amount of children that have been growing up without the proper nuturing. Unfortunately more women with children are outsourcing with day cares etc, instead of focusing on the necessary nurturing that really needs to happen with their young children. Hense we have been experiencing a greater number of our youth who struggle with anxiety and depression issues and struggle to grow and feel good about interacting and going through all the difficult stages of growing up. Many begin to experience depression in their teen years and right through the 20's with this question of, "why am i struggling so much"?

What will help you is finding a "good therapist" that can help you sort through your past and become more aware of what you missed, what is truely "not your fault" and how to slowly learn to overcome it.

[Aether]

Hmmm, my mum is quite an affectionate person.

Anyway, I've been doing a bit of reading in the interim. I believe I know what the cause of this issue is for me.

My mum says that ever since I went to meet my dad when I was about 11-12; I've been completely cold to everyone. I personally don't remember much of it, but my mum has told me what happened.
It was my first time meeting him and I was so excited, I was imagining something like you see in the movies; I was also very curious to see what he was like. After about here I can't remember much.

After talking to him for a while, he told me that he was moving to England to get married. So I guess it was a bit of like "Oh hey I'm your dad. By the way, I'm moving to a strange country on the other side of the world to start a new family."
He's divorced her since then and I met him again when I was 20. We now have a little bit of a relationship, but it's very awkward. He remarried some time last year and while I like my step mother and sister a lot, I just can't help but have a burning, vindictive hatred for my step sister. And even though I like her, and I know that nothing is her fault; I just loathe every fibre of her being.

Affection is the emotion that makes me the most sick, and then sadness, regret, sorrow and to a slightly lesser extent, happiness. With hatred, anger, loathing, rage I feel the most comfortable. I'm fairly certain that if I let myself feel these emotions I would literally vomit.

It makes it so hard to actually keep friends without them ending up hating me and sometimes I even sabotage my own friendships because I think they've lasted too long. The reason for that being, I went to 7 primary schools so I never really had a friend longer than 2 years. High school I kept to myself, but I was bullied a lot all through school. I would take a lot of it but I would eventually explode into a blind rage and put whoever was bullying me at the time and sometimes others in hospital. I'm not even kidding with that last part.

I've been talking to my friend about it for a bit, she thinks I have nervous reactions to particular emotions. I don't want to be this way, I want to be able to show emotion because it's damaging the relationship I'm currently in, but I don't know what it is or what to do and I don't know if I can talk to my girlfriend about it because I choke up and feel sick again when I do. She wants affection from me, but I just feel like I can't give it to her because of this and I feel like it's a wonder we've been together this long without her giving up earlier.

[Open Eyes]

Oh, Ok, you have been tramatized by a father who basically rejected you and being bullied in school. Bullying is "tramatic" and even if you stood up and lashed out, you were hurt. People can develope PTSD symptoms from being bullied you know. Add to that your father basically "abandoning you" well, thats tramatic expecially for a 12 year old because at that age children feel and know alot more and are less resiliant.

Here is some info you can read through http://www.bullyonline.org/stress/ptsd.htm
this link should bring you to information on symptoms suffered from bullying, see if there are symptoms that might fit you.

They are discovering that male children can struggle if they lack a father mentor figure.
Sometimes young males can be helped if they find a positive male role model at some point in their lives. When they don't get to see how "dad" plays a positive role in the family, it is often felt "something is missing".

OE

[Inedible]

Originally Posted by Aether

I don't know why, but it gets to the point where I have to stop and give myself some time alone.

Does it seem like strong emotions don't get fully processed and released, so that when they happen again they add up or multiply to something more than a response to the present moment? Time by yourself gives you an opportunity to process and release emotions, but it is not enough by itself. The emotions still have to be actively processed and released. They usually carry a message of some sort - they tell you something about your situation. When you get the message, you can let go of the emotion.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Aether

Hi, I have kind of a random and strange concern. Anyway.

I'm a 23-year-old guy, healthy and I eat right.

...

I've found that when I feel strong emotion, such as sadness, regret, sorrow, and sometimes even happiness; I begin to feel sick. I feel like vomiting, dizzy, light-headed, a tightness in my chest, and I get shaky.

I am partly like you, in that I feel like vomiting (but do not vomit) and cannot physically eat and sometimes even drink liquids when under extreme stress.

It looks like typical anxiety. I have it easier than you do because I experience it in a much limited set of circumstances.

It has nothing to do with being unhealthy or not eating right - I eat a perfect die at and I still get those spells, from time to time.

The additional things you describe - shakiness, tightness in your chest, etc. - are all consistent with garden variety anxiety as well.

There is a forum on Anxiety (I do not know the URL because I have blocked it from view but it is under "Mental Health Support") and you should browse it and perhaps post on it in addition to getting support on this thread. You will see that your misery does have company - you are not alone in it. Your concern is not random, nor is it strange.

You probably need professional help with it, because it affects daily functioning, forming relationships, social contacts, etc. I just live with it because it does not affect me as deeply as it affects you - I know that from time to time I would feel like vomiting and that it would then go away, so I have stopped worrying about it.

If you cannot drink liquids when you feel like vomiting, that by itself would create a problem, because you would become dehydrated, and dehydration is harmful and will exacerbate all the things you are experiencing. Can you / can you not drink liquids during those spells?

[Cocosurviving]

You want to consider seeing a psychotherapist. There might be support groups in your area.

[johndoe119911]

I end my own relationships when they get to long too.
I was where you were sans the emotional sickness part
Now I would be considered "normal" and "sane" by most people
the only thing is that people are too emotional.
it's not you, it's them (well that's one of way of thinking about it)
lately I've been getting this nasty feeling in my stomach that makes me want to vomit,
people are far too emotional, and i've been abiding and accommodating to there feelings but it's gone too far
I wake up in the middle of the night wanting to vomit because of how lovey dovey ***** in my life is getting.

What i'm trying to say is, "be careful what you wish for, you just might get it".

..Lately I've really been questioning if taking the steps to become "normal" and "sane" and get to where I am today was really the right thing to do...