so much pain/trouble coping (need encouragment)

37 yo male
Never been married and have no children.

I am going through several crises and in so much pain.
-I rently moved to a new area and have NO close friends for a support group.
-I have been estranged from my dysfunctional family
-I had a family memember recently die a few months ago and was not able to attend the funeral (due to family strife). I never had closure to the grieving process.
-I recently separated from my girlfriend of two years. She was NOT right for me, but it still hurts tremendously.

Because I was abused throughout my childhood, I struggle with showing emotions. I was not allowed to have emotions and needed to be strong as a child. As a result, I never cry. Now crying is ALL i do. My heart feels like ton of bricks and I am walking through a dark tunnel looking for the light. I know I am a good man and never did anythhing to intentionally hurt anyone.

I jog three miles a day and eat healthy. Yet these days I can only walk and need to force myself to eat. I tell myself not to give up and fight this with my last breath, yet I feel I am loosing.

Things I am trying
-currently in between finding a new therapist
-will be taking time off work to stay with a friend 5 hours away. However, I never depended on anyone and worried of being a burden.
-I am staying away from alcohol completely (never had problem with alcohol though)

I am currently a top employee within the nation-wide company I work for. Yet it is all an act. I pretend like everything is ok, but inside I am hollow. So much loneliness, so much pain. It is only a matter of time before things fall apart if I don't do something to get out of this hole.

Does anyone have encouraging words for me?

Here are some encouraging words from Thunder Bow:

You are now doing some good things for yourself! I also see, that you are actully starting to feel better about yourself. Also your are allowing yourself to feel for the first time! This is a big change from where you once were emotionally. That is why you feel so depressed. It is like greiving over the loss of an old friend.

Now acknowledge your success. You are now, moving on to a better self and all the better feelings that go with that. No, you are not in a "hole" at all. You are moving and growing, and that is good.

we can learn to manage our emotions, and not be at their mercy. i just posted a new thread on these skills, which i hope are of some use to you ~

http://forums.psychcentral.com/copin...whelming~.html

best wishes~
Gus