I want to be loved so badly

I have a deep need for love and close intimate relationships but when my needs do not get met by the people in my life I get so cold, rejecting and angry. I realize that this only makes me less lovable but my twisted way of thinking is that if you don't love me I will be indifferent to you so that I do not need you love. So I just try and pull away and only give short clipped answers. If I am never going to get the warmth and love that I need why bother ? Why no just ball up in my little shell and be self sufficient ? But I can never make good on these vows in most cases when my loved ones prod a bit all my hurt feelings some pouring out. I just want to shut down completely so no one can ever hurt or disappoint me again.

it would be so nice to do that, unfortunately you sound a lot like me & for me it is impossible for me to shut down like that..the few brief moments when i do get the love i want it is intoxicating & it feels so good i never want to let go, even if the person is not sincere(using me to get something and pretending to care) i do the exact same thing you do, it's tough..sometimes i just want to just outright beg people to love me, but i know i would look ridiculous doing so, but it doesn't change the fact or the feeling inside..i know the feeling too well

Thanks for posting. These are the exact thoughts & feelings I have in this situation...they know how I feel & continue treating me the same regardless of what I say. I react as you do too & things never change...I'm sorry you're experiencing this too.

Thanks for the support guys its appreciated. I just hate being such a sensitive person and I wish I was some way I could be different.

I am super sensitive, also (HSP--Highly Sensitive Personality)......it is hard to live that wa in a world which is basically NOT sensitive.
You need to find people who WILL love you....safe people; sometimes that takes time.

No problem. A lot of times I feel the very same way. It's hard to remember the comment above. & sometimes remembering that is what makes it so painful...

well i guess that makes two of us!! i try to cope with it as best i can, i have found that this forum works great for me, if it wasn't for all you guys i would be a wreck!!

From my experience, you need to begin by being good and loving to yourself first. Nobody can fill the void unless you learn to love yourself first. Otherwise, it will just be constant search and emotional tug of war. You need to find hapiness within yourself first.

I'm at a loss for words at the moment, so I'm sorry. I suppose what I'm trying to say is you need to truly embrace your authentic self and explore who you are first, which includes loving yourself and treating yourself lovingly. A partner should complement the essence of who you are and not complicate it. It should add joy and happiness and accent your life. Searching for love without including yourself and the essence of who you are will lead you down unfulfilling roads of unhappiness. It begins within yourself. I hope that made sense.