[pfeffa]

Does anybody else struggle with feelings of inadequacy because they don't have children? I was never sure if i wanted to children -- never thought it was important until the time came when i realized i wouldn't have any. Now, listening to my colleagues talk about their weekend and summer plans that involve family outings and affairs is enough to trigger a bad mood. I am finding it hard to find pleasure in things that ought to make me happy, because i have this fantasy of sharing these things with a child (who in my fantasy is always completely interested and excited by the things i want to be excited about). I am pushing myself to become a big sister this summer (first step, getting recommendations. yuck.) But i really long for a way to just enjoy my life as it is. (Maybe i just need a change of meds? I have been trying that too, but it is exhausting and seems ineffective.)

I hope i am not alone.

[pfeffa]

If I knew that I was not going to have kids would I have lived my life differently? Would I have cherished the moments with my siblings when they were infants?

I don't even know if having children would change anything. The inadequacy would probably still be there.

[gayleggg]

I don't know if inadequacy would be any different if you had had children. It just left me feeling more inadequate because I was always worried I wasn't doing the right things or giving her the necessary lessons she needed to manange in the adult world. Inadequacy seems to follow you if you already have that tendency. Maybe counseling would be a good idea. Volunteering should be very helpful. I volunteered at a nursing home for a while during the holidays last year. It was very beneficial.

I don't have kids and don't feel inadequate about it. I don't think I would have made a very good mother. I was actually considering becoming a Big Sister at one point too. Not quite as time intensive as your own child! I hope you find your Big Sister participation rewarding, and that it will help relieve some of your feelings of inadequacy.

[Thunder Bow]

Having children means responsibility and less personal freedom. No need to use that as an excuse to feel bad. Just be you, honor yourself and do what you like doing. With out peressure from others or with in.

[pfeffa]

Thank you for your advice. I think i need to fill up my summer schedule more. I am going to try to balance volunteering with maybe taking an art class, along with the professional development and the counseling that i already have signed up for. I am looking for a way to honor myself. Thank you again.

[brainhi]

I did not have children. I knew at a young age I would not. One time I did get the urge...the 1st year or so of dating my husband (x now). I'm glad I did not. I work with children and families - now that I can handle and I find it does fill emotional needs. The hard thing is that your friendships change. Your friends with children do seek out other friends with children. I understand - when we do get a chance to get together the bond is still there.