Anger turned inward

I have been besieged by thoughts of my recent struggles with my family and they really help to build up anger and the anger is painful in my head and chest. It just all goes inward. I struggle with any outward expressions of dealing with the feelings at all. I just get stuck! Terribly painful and my efforts seem to make it worse.

Hello, PianogirlPlays. After reading some of your postings, it seems that anger may be the manifestation of other issues you are and have had to deal with. Is professional help and option?

I am having some anger issues and am seriously thinking of buying a punch bag and some gloves !! i cant think how else asto deal with it as like you say it tends to go inward.sending hugs

Yeah! I am trying. I wish it was more often.

I understand. I thought about beating a pillow. Probably hurt myself. I would like to go up on a mountain top and yell!

I had moments like that wanting to buy a punching bag and kick the poop out of it to ease the angry emotions stewing within.

You do need to go up on a Mountain and Yell. It will be part of your Vision Quest!

Make effigies of the person/people who hurt you and/or make you angry, then do to the effigy what you want to do to the person/people.

Works wonders!

I like the mountain top idea Pianogirl. Count me in! I am so stressed right now and holding it in is sometimes physically painful. Need to do something with the rage but what???

mmm....make an effigy...I'll think about that. Thanks Werewoman.

I may be able to relate as something really crappy (like "takes the cake" crappy) happened to me a year ago. I was super angry for days and concerned about how I would ever get over it. I'll mention what helped me with hopes it might help you too:
1. Venting;
2. Talking it out with a non-provocative person;
3. Complaining;
4. Accepting that it might take time to feel better and that the mind is suppose to naturally recover from anger over time (and not getting angrier because I don't deserve to be angry - angry over being angry);
5. Working on the underlying problem that caused the anger (and processing it);
6. Righting wrongs to the extent possible.

I find cussing a blue streak helps for a minute.

Yeah, I found one of those plain muslin dolls at a fabric store. I used embroidery floss to sew on a face and gave it gray hair. The first thing I did when I finished making it was to sew the mouth shut.

The same could be done with markers instead of thread, but I had entirely too much time on my hands back then.

I really wanted to do a lot of really mean stuff to it, but because my abuser was my mother, and the effigy was of her, I discovered, anything beyond sewing the mouth shut, I simply couldn't do...which frankly, shocked me to my core. I always thought given the chance......well, I found out that's not really how it works when it's your mom. Sewing the mouth shut wasn't so hard because to this day, her words can rip my heart out.

Now, I could make one of my stepfather and I'm pretty sure I could do really rude things to it, like, tie it to the back of my van and drag it around for a week or so. Maybe run over it with a lawn mower. Nail it to a tree and leave it there for a few weeks. Shove firecrackers up it's ***** and light them. Take it to the gun range and blast away at it with an AR-15. Tie a rock to it and throw it into the middle of the ocean. I can think of many others, but I'll stop there.

WW

Werewoman, that seems like a really good idea. I might have to try that with my ex.

Glad I could help! LOL!

I want to jump in here and say that when I went through the terrible, horrible anger I couldn't seem to get out of myself, I eventually went to a huge, empty parking lot for nearly a month, and screamed and cried -- you know the kind where everything pours out of every orifice above your neck? -- and hit the car seats as hard as I could, and just went weird and landed in a place where I was VERY glad I was alone! (I didn't do this just once -- I did it every day for several weeks; until I just felt too weak to express that kind of anger any more. So it wasn't a quick process, by any means! But it's worth it -- read on...) But my therapist suggested this -- he said what he did was go into his back yard and chop as much wood as he could stand to -- anyway, it was because I could NOT express anger to my therapist. And after years of trying, he finally suggested the big empty parking lot (I looked for many places before I finally found someplace where I felt I wouldn't be seen or bothered - and it ended up to be a church parking lot that was very, very big. I had tried the woods but couldn't find anyplace private enough.) Anyway, I screamed & ranted & raved so much I lost my voice completely for a couple of weeks! But that was the thing that seemed to loosen things up for me, that kind of violence that really doesn't hurt anyone or anything but FEELS as if it's hurting those who have hurt you so very much -- and from that time on -- after a month or two - I had "regular" anger when I needed it (I mean 'normal' people anger), but the boiling cauldron of hatred and seething fury I felt was just -- no longer there at the level where it scared me.

Does this help anyone?? I just wrote a message to Werewoman, so this was on my mind -- I was going to leave the forum because I have stuff to do, but when I read all this from all of you, I thought it would be good to share what helped me.

For me, only the violence (when alone & not hurting anyone, not even me) would work. Sewing my abuser's mouth(s) shut would have done some for me, but not nearly enough. Now I felt completely silly at first, doing the shouting & screaming and hitting the car seats, etc., but after a while it became -- necessary -- for me. And that was when all the heat, the fury, began to feel "safe" enough to -- what? escape? It felt as if it was pouring out of my ears & nose & mouth...everywhere. And after awhile....it felt very good. Peaceful. It worked for me, at least made me feel more 'normal,' as we say, "whatever normal is..." But I'd love to know if it help anyone if you're able to do this.

You, whether you know it or not, are WORTH it! You're getting rid of anger against yourself as well as others, anger you do NOT deserve! So go for it -- no matter what, you deserve your own love -- and that of others. Much love from Juleeo

Thanks for the ideas! Going to have to make many of them.

I have heard that pretend conversations where you get to really express yourself can help. Like rant at the coffee pot like it was the person. Might try it!

I've reached the point, of typing it out,as fast as it comes in. Typing is faster, than handwriting, for me. I've free handed all caps in handwriting, nearly ripping the paper, with the force of the pen. On the way though, from the fateful day in st Louis, 24 years ago, we'd stopped at my grandparents, they lived on a lake, i swam and swam until, i could swim no more. I've had middle of the night sprints, turned miles when I was younger, shredded journal pages, I've slammed the heck out of a volleyball before, many times, spike it off the pavement, seen how high up it could go, dribbling basketballs, cooked, cleaned, swore viciously to thin air...

Anger, for me, turns to stressed if harbored, too long. Stress makes me ill.

Acknowledge, release, repeat if necessary. Try to balance that, also, with giving back.

Hard to know what to say to all the pain floating around here. In me and in everyone answering. I have cleaned house with steam. Written with fury. Eaten to dull the pain. Pretended I was someone else who was someplace else. Sought help. Now a bundle of pain that is hard to help. I do not know how I could even try to work things out with people. Things could be even more difficult.