Hate

Hate gets bandied about quite frequently in posts here. I found that hating often accompanied anger and resentment. I hated it when people were critical or when despite my best efforts things did not turn out as I wanted. Took a lot of effort to understand hate is a waste of resources that solves nothing and has the potential to make matters worse.

John R. "Jack" Schafer, Ph.D., has some thoughts on hate: The Seven-Stage Hate Model: The Psychopathology of Hate | Psychology Today

Another thought: "Hate is like acid. It can damage the vessel in which it is stored as well as destroy the object on which it is poured." ~Ann Landers

I still have intense dislike for some. I am working on it.

I wish you well.

there are still a few targets for my hatred. i'm even worse about having aversions. my spiritual teachings call these "one of the three poisons of the spirit". the other two are "grasping/clinging" and "indifference/ignorance".

understanding that these 'cognitive/emotional patterns' are self-destructive is the first step in letting go of them. realizing that they cause nothing but more damage in the environment is another way of letting go. the important thing is NOT to justify them, indulge them, coddle them, or otherwise support their existance.

be horrified every time they express themselves. likely they were learned very young, if not inborn, and must be rooted out with diligence.
here is the forumula i was taught for changing those things which resist our efforts:

1. DECIDE to change
2. Decide WHAT to change
3. CHANGE as much and as often as one can
4. PRAISE yourself for every time you change, no matter how much

the inner child craves approval, approve of those qualities which lead to harmlessness and understanding~
best wishes to all seeking peace of mind and generosity of spirit~
Gus

Don't shame yourself out of any of your emotions! Hate is aversion. Aversion is a valuable survival instinct. Perhaps we need to spend some time hating painfully to get clear on whether the object of our hate really caused our problems and to determine how never to get hurt like that again.

Banishing hate to the unconscious doesn't make you less hateful, just less conscious.

I mostly just hate myself...

Hello, Teacake. Your thoughts on hate are quite novel.

We can agree to disagree.

I do not agree that criticisms of other people represent jealousy. Sometimes, yes, that can be the case, but there are times where there are definitely things other people do that are out right toxic and manipulative and disrespectful to others.

If someone comes to me and tells me they want to pick on someone because they think it is "fun"? My criticisms of a person like that has nothing to do with jealousy. I really dislike people like that, especially when I take the time to tell them "why" they should not pick on that other person and they say "I don't care, I am going to do it anyway". It isn't very often that I really dislike someone. I deeply dislike people who abuse children and animals and my criticisms when it comes to that are no where near jealousy.

I hate

Funny how we all see things differently. Hate kept me stable and aware of my behavior. I know where to put my anger and it has nothing to do with childish play of others being critical.

Hate absolutely has the potential to make matters worse and that is why I go to therapy. I appreciate her not nagging me. By helping me to accept it rather than deny it and getting bashed for controlling it~ I refrain from becoming the one I hate.

I feel you are judging my feelings because other people lack of self control.

I wish the haters the best.

(also wishing those the best )

I am still not over 'hating' people, and have not managed to grasp the coping skill to let things go, so for me, this post was very enlightening thank you x

I keep coming back and re-reading this post...and thinking.

(Glok, thanks for the link...I read many of his other articles as well and really like what he has to say...& thanks for the thread!)

There's another saying about hate, please forgive me but I will paraphrase it, that goes: 'hating is like going out and taking poison and hoping and waiting for the other person to die.'

It is a very intense, passionate, painful, heady and sometimes almost crippling emotion...in ourselves.
In the end, the person that has wronged us or that we hate goes on blithely about their business. Most likely not giving a royal damn about the turmoil that they have caused. We have to deal with the emotion left in their wake and within us.
We have taken on the toxicity. We allowed ourselves to respond with hate.

I'm just thinking...just putting it out there for thought or comments. I have been thinking a lot about anger...but it is really different. I don't know. Hopefully someone else will have more input.

Wysteria Blue

Hatred is not crippling for me. It motivated me to survive. Without the hate~ I would have been destroyed. I didn’t have the ability to hate properly because it was too powerful to grasp and my enemy was too big of a ***** to face me. I had no choice but to put my anger away.

Many years later~ I was triggered. Suddenly all the things I couldn’t grasp were raining down on me. Yeah~ I hate and I’m not ashamed of it and will not abuse myself by drinking my enemy's poison.

Now~ i know many people will say that I should just get over it but reality is, hatred matures without our knowledge but doing what is right should not be ignored because I have hatred. If I say i want to destroy a man, should justice be ignored just because he made it too personal? That isn’t logical to me. Not having the pleasure of whispering in my enemy's ear as he grasp for his last breath….That sounds rational and a path I would like to take but it doesn’t require forgiveness.

Hello, Parley. You are free to choose what you believe. This thread put out a perspective. The perspective, obviously, is not for everyone.

I wish you well.

Well thank you glok.

No it isn't the perspective for everyone but it can make for good conversation unless you would rather we all agree. It is your thread.

I do not expect consensus.

The only person my hate did damage to was myself. I stopped decades ago. I became stronger without it. Doesn't mean I won't open a can of W.A. sometimes... only when needed.

Did anyone else notice that, according to the article, that that hate has to be shared and shored up by others? I also found this interesting. Sort of the pack mentality cemented by hate. According to the steps, seems like hate has to escalate until the target of the hate is destroyed.
What if the original hater has no "audience" or others to help escalate it? Will it dissipate? Just asking.

WB

For me there is something underlying or beyond hate ... fear. When I get honest about anger and hate, I realize that fear is driving it - some threat to my well-being or ego.

Many believe there are really only two emotions ... love and fear. I subscribe to that, also.

I rage then I hate in that order.

'Hate is a parasite, hate will eat us alive.

If we let it, no we won't let it'

Can't say I find the emotion of Hate an easy one to deal with or get rid of.

I don't hate anyone but I'd rather be honestly hated than "cared about" with an aftertaste of disgust and hidden anger.